teenagers, tattoos & & other scary subjects

(these are my 3 youngest + my sweet abby)

i tweeted the following this afternoon:

"Having the charming "belly button piercing" conversation with one of my girls #heckno #teens #guesswhichone"

& then proceeded to blow up all forms of my social media.

even "ms sibi" called to check on said  #guesswhichone

making sure we weren't piercing anything today.

i have a couple deadlines this week

which have served as a clear reminder that i have poor task completion issues

& 

am woefully inept in performing multiple tasks simultaneously.

that being said, i just had to address this issue.

shall we name this the second in my arbitrarily numbered teen series?

so

in a conversation sprinkled with laughter

( i can have a sense of humor my friends)

& maybe a tongue in cheek or two

yes i did indeed have, what i'm certain,

will not be the last conversation

( nor has it been the first)

concerning body piercings & other scary subjects.

this is where i throw out my disclaimers

& hope we'll still be friends.

my experiences with my own teenagers are my only experiences in parenting teenagers.

i have not had the challenges some parents face with rebellious children,

chronic medical or psychological issues, or the myriad of challenges

that make parenting a child in the teenage years even more tough.

my older three girls are all completely different

& thus require completely different expectations, responses, & parenting techniques.

what is right for one is not always necessarily right for all.

i think i'm slowly becoming a better parent the older i get.

poor savannah. first born child.

( i'll pay for her counseling )

i was so darn hard on her & instead of majoring on the majors

& minoring on all else,

i think i made everything a big deal.

i have a been a grace failure. 

it's true.

but i am slowly learning to feel out my girls when they react & respond 

to their world

or mention that they'll be getting their belly buttoned pierced

"when i turn 18, cuz i can do anything at 18".

i don't go all wonky & freak out 

( well, we are just talking. no one has pierced anything yet).

i learned a few years ago

( free parenting tip here....)

don't freak out.

whatever they tell you. don't freak out.

you can freak later with your spouse, but in front of them, keep it cool

years ago, savannah went to young life camp for the weekend.

she called & told me she had something to tell me something when she returned home.

lord have mercy. i was scared to death of what that conversation was going to be all about.

lo & behold, that child hopped off the bus with about a 3 inch strip of fuscia hair.

pink hair. 

that's all.

now, i'm not a fan of pink hair.

but the pink slowly faded away & all was right with our world again.

i tell you that because it was a reminder to me to chose my battles

& pink hair was not going to make or break us.

& yes, i made a few snarky remarks. i told you...grace failure.

now please don't send me hate mail or tell me i'm wishy washy

on this next statement.

i'm going out, bravely, on a thin limb here....

my conviction, my personal conviction

is that i do not make my girls feel they have a load of rules & expectations

that are strict & that each weigh the same.

the "each weigh the same" is the big point here.

what does that look like?

well, when savannah was a junior in highschool

i sat down on her bed one night & poured out my heart to her.

my girls know where we stand on many of the basic family rules

you know... say yes ma'am & yes sir. wear seat belts. 

the 10 commandments.

don't drink & don't have sex. floss. etc

 follow?

but i pleaded with her one, above all others, conviction

that i prayed would be her own conviction.

i expressed how highly i valued that conviction and how violating that 

would affect her.

 forever.

i wanted her to know that "one" was the biggy.

for me. her mom. the biggy.

my head is not in the sand.

nor do i wish to hide my girls in the basement until they're whatever age...

i'm a realist

& i was a teenager.

i'm not hosting keg parties or buying condoms ok....but i am aware of 

the immense pressure on our teens these days.

i will also say, you may think i'm sorta lucky or sheltered

but my girls each have a relationship with lord

& desire to please Him, more than me.

so that is HUGE in instilling values in them.

& tattoos and body piercings honestly fall further down my personal list 

than some other biggies.

what's become ( wish i figured this out long ago) of more importance to me

is to understand the root or what might cause my girls to say & do things

that i hope & pray they don't do.

if i can 

somehow

strive to understand their hearts

then discussing an issue like..."why do you want to do -----"

(you fill in the blank...my biggy blank surely isn't yours)

might go over a little better than a big blanket

"heck no".

goodness.

i'm always so hesitant to even share these things.

sometimes it's hard to articulate something so complex.

so multi -faceted.

what i'm basically saying is 

i sure hope no one pierces or tats up anything right now

or shaves their head or whatever else.
truth be told,

we usually spend most days breaking up arguments between my middle two.

i'm trying to choose my battles 

& each battle is different with each child.

i can honestly tell you though,

the vast majority of all our battles are based upon  & rooted in building character in our girls.

i'm trying, sometimes failing

but i'm trying to first of all

let my girls know they're loved

& that i have their back

& that Jesus loves them.

those three things alone are the recipe for great communication.

even if the communication is about pierced belly buttons

so, i'll fumble & humbly stumble off my soapbox

& also tell you....

i have a tattoo

xo

 ~~~~

"By Your wounds we are healed
And You have conquered the grave
And in Your rising, we will rise
To carry Your name
Above every name"

christy nockels