what they teach me...

probably the most important goal i have

on this blog

is to be authentic

i've said before that i never want to come across
as anything other than just who i am
i want my written words
to also be my spoken words
i want the person you perceive me to be
to be just that....
me
not some fabrication of who i long to be



a friend of mine posted a quote yesterday
that really convicted me
she talked about having grace with our children
& how the Lord responds to us with grace

His mercies are new
each morning
a clean slate

i stink at grace
i stink at patience
darn it

i'm a bottom line
let's fix it quick & move on kinda girl


there's no doubt in my mind
that the lord sent me the world's most patient man
to help compensate for my complete lack of patience


while we're not a door slamming
'i hate you' screaming family
on any given day
i usually have at least one daughter that has had it with me


all i really want to say
is i don't ever want anyone to think
that i think i'm a perfect mom
or let's make it even more realistic...a great mom
because i fail miserably
on most days

i want to be authentic
i want to balance the things i write
not just the happy cartwheel throwing days
but the times where i mess up
i love sharing about sneaking spinach in your child's morning smoothie
i love chatting about great books
and my white furniture
or beautiful scriptures that heal my soul
& i surely don't mind sharing areas in my life that need some help

this morning i began to think
about how i have so much to learn
but how the Lord often times
uses these four precious children
to teach me the most important lessons


my beautiful girls
are merciful with me
each morning their mercies are new to me
they forgive me
& their spirits are resilient

they've taught me more about grace
than anyone i've ever known
i guess it's because
i need it from them
more than anyone else

period

these fun images
are great reminders to me
that i have four daughters
who are strong
who are brave
who are beautiful & athletic
four daughters who teach me so much about grace & mercy
each morning

i love you girls
i wish i were more like you
i want to be a great mom to you
to be a mom that you are proud of
a mom who wears cool jeans
& never hurts your feelings
who has cowboy boots that you want to borrow
fills up your love tank
a mom who cheers you on & has your back
and most importantly
gives you grace
just like you've taught me

i'm trying
i promise.....

breakfast for champions & a summer dinner

i want to share my favorite breakfast smoothie
that especially with all the summer fruits available
the girls & i have been enjoying

crush ice
add strawberries & blueberries
( mango, banana, or raspberries if i have them)
oj
fat free vanilla yogurt
agave nectar
dash of nutmeg
flaxseed
protein powder
& a huge handful of spinach
& let 'er rip

seriously delish & oh so very good for you

(ps, don't let this image fool ya. i had girlies walking in while i was photographing. i actually use a huge handful of spinach.....shhh)

we're also trying to be better about taking vitamins
surely tinkerbell gummies are aok
right?



while dan was tucking caroline in one night for bedtime
she proudly proclaimed that she felt she should become
a
vegetarian

well, she said, a vegetarian that eats meat
sorta more like a healthatarian
a girl needs her burgers every now & then
you know

last night she asked that we whip up some of her faves
which did include red meat....sorry folks
so here are all the players...

the girls love when i make pasta, peas & parmesean

which is exactly all it is
( that & some butter)

the true blue salad from publix
( trader joes has one that i actually love even more)


seasoned shrimp

grilled steaks marinated in dale's seasoning

sauteed mushrooms & vidalia onions

& truth be told

she also asked for mashed potatoes

"the ones in the black plastic thingy"

they were not worthy of a photograph

& yes

i even served 'em right beside the pasta

nothing like a little starch overload

& look what was eaten first
yep
the mashed potatoes from the black plastic thingy

of course!

ps~i'd love to hear some more fabulous smoothie ideas!

a guest post

I'm really tickled & excited & honored to be chatting at the sky today!!

Emily has been one of my favorite bloggers since the day i "found" her.
Emily is absolutely adorable. She the real deal.....a highly regarded character trait in my book! She's transparent on the days when her heart is tender & she's knee slapping hysterical on the others.

She's mommy to three little ones & wifey to a super cute youth pastor. Her home is adorable & she can rock a photo! Her sister is the Nester. She loves the Lord.
Oh yeah, and she's writing a couple of books. In my make believe world where I would choose my neighbors, she'd be in my culdesac!

I'm currently working on all 3,016 photos from last week while playing with the amazing new action set Luxe from Florabella.
So for now, swing by Emily's & visit. I even used correct punctuation & capital letters. The whole author status has me a tad intimidated, so i tried to bring my A game.

the cartwheel

the 8 days on the beautiful Gulf Coast that i feared might not come to fruition
have come & gone
we're home safe & sound
the beach .....it was perfect


the laundry is done
sand is brushed off the flip flops
boogie boards are back up in the attic
sun tanned skin
hair that's a little more blond than a week ago
thousands of photos taken
a 700 & something page book remains unread
& probably a few pounds gained thanks to all the fantastic food

that first photo, caroline cartwheeling. well she did that....all day. hundreds of cartwheels. such a happy child.

i realized on the way home
( while worrying because my coolant light came on while we were in the middle of no mans land...seriously)
that i need to throw some cartwheels


unfortunately i come with expectations


it's awful...i wish i was a cartwheeling kinda girl
maybe if i lived there, i'd cartwheel freely
but my heart needs those 8 days to be perfect
a time to nourish my soul smack dab in the midst of the other 356 days of the year

i expect white sand & the most crystal clear water
i expect sunny days
i expect memories made with my favorite 5 people in the world
i expect secrets shared and hands held
i expect to be on the beach each night & soak in the breathtaking sunset


i expect no oil spills
& no sad stories about dolphins covered in oil
i expect my camera to work
& the shrimp to taste incredible

i expect my car to run efficiently & have no issues
i expect to shop at my favorite little shops
& for my frozen nonfat vanilla latte to be smooth & perfect

its not too much is it?
8 days of perfection....surely not

but my type A, professional worrier self gets the best of me

i was all knotted up the week before we left
worrying
i had a mini nervous breakdown when i lost the first day of my photos
& while my lap top and camera weren't working
seriously...i lost it

i sat in the bathroom & sobbed
it's a sickness , i realize this
but if it isn't documented and i don't mean on a mobile upload
i'm talking high res jpeg, backed up on my external drive AND my flash
photos
& hundreds of them

moments captured so my heart can remember the giggles
remember what my girls profiles look like as they gaze over the ocean
remember how my handsome man never complains no matter how many photos i take
remember the girl's cute little beach figures, whether 2 years old or 17 years old

but while we were on vacation
i saw more people than i've ever seen before
doing the exact same thing
with their nikons and their canons

& i realized i'm not alone
& i think it's ok
it's ok to have a place where i want time to stand still
i just need to work on that ugly pesky worry part of my personality
& maybe
next year
throw
a
cartwheel

peace

it's finally time to hit the road

we've had quite the week around here

last thursday we got a call from dan's sister, who lives with pop pop( dan's dad)

he had collapsed & the ambulance was on its way

we feared the worst

we dropped everything & headed to the emergency room
as soon as we approached the exit on the highway we knew something was wrong
police cars & lights everywhere
camera & news crews on every corner

we were forced to turn around
by the time we reached the hospital we were told they were on diversion
he had been taken some other undetermined ED
the reason...
there was a bomb threat
of course there was a bomb threat
i swear i felt like we were in a grey's anatomy episode by this time

long story short
we finally found him
he was stable
those bright blue eyes just a twinklin
he's been in the hospital all week
praise the lord he's ok
just needs a few things done, but he's ok & he's stable

dan's sister is more than capable of flying solo for the week while we're gone

savannah has had strep throat
followed by a full body rash
now she has pink eye

my computer was infected with a virus from the depths of hell
i was on the phone with my dell dudes for a total of 8 and a half hours
yep, 8.5 hours
shockingly no cuss words were said & i didn't shed a tear
please be impressed with this improved behavior

between the oil spill
alex the storm
& now the forecasted rain
this is all been quite the cocktail for worry
for this professional worrier

if you're my facebook friend
i apologize for all the grumbling


anyways
on to better things
i usually try to whip up some dips, salsa & chicken for us to snack on while we're at the beach
because mama doesn't cook on vacation
so the girls & i have spent this morning in the kitchen

oh yeah

the dishwasher died the same day my computer flipped out

please notice the new bright & shiny one

she stands on tippie toes

all the time

please excuse the dirty floor

k?

the bean dip is fabulous

here you go:

1 can chick peas drained
1 can black beans drained
2 tomatoes diced
2 avocados cubed
2 green onions chopped
approx 6-7oz of Catalina dressing

mix & let the flavors marry overnight
i didn't add the avocado yet, will do that when we get there
serve with pita chips or whatever suits your fancy
delish

we whipped up some more of the homemade chocolate chip muffins

from two posts ago

i take 6 boneless breasts & add chicken broth
1 can diced peppers
cumin, garlic powder, salt & pepper
& cook on low for several hours
shred apart when done
add the homemade salsa
that i'll share another time
& tada, lunch is served






praying this is what the next 8 days have to offer....






peace

from my draft files.....

(complelely unrelated images)

Summer days in Atlanta are usually hot & humid. Perspiration runs down the middle of your back within minutes of stepping outside. The sky is often a hazy blue gray color, the color of mugginess
But not today. June 30th, 2009. Grammy passed away one year ago today. Today it's unseasaonably gorgeous outside. The sky a bright blue, not a cloud in sight, makes the green in the trees pop as they sway thanks to a cool breeze. A rare low humidity day.

Her last night at home, June 2008. We were hanging out with her & PopPop. I usually have a horrible memory, but i clearly remember she had on a pink cotton blouse. She always looked so pretty in pink. Funny thing, originally in my minds eye I can see her with a head full of grey hair, but in reality she was bald, having lost all that to chemo. We were watching the Braves. She always loved to throw around baseball jargin & players names. I grew up listening to ballgames, especially riding in the car with my dad. The sound always brings me a peaceful secure feeling.

The next day she would go to hospice. Never to return home.

June 24 Poppop wanted to celebrate her birthday. He had ordered a small cake & brought balloons. One of her bestfriends had called me to share that she & some of Lil's friends wanted to come to visit her. I tried to prepare her for what she would see. Prepare her that Lil probably wouldn't recognize her or remember the other ladies names. She had begun that sad spiral, whether drug induced or from the disease where familiarity is lost and the faces of loved ones are difficult to discern.
When they arrived Lil began to cry and seemingly didn't recognize them. Yesterday Poppop shared with me that in hindsight maybe he shouldn't have allowed any visitors. I tried to comfort him and tell him that he was only trying to do what seemed best to him at the time. It was so hard to watch him back then. There were days when I wondered if he really understood that this "was it". Short of a miracle , she was soon going home...her heavenly home.

Lil had spent most of her days in & out of consciousness, her eyes might be open but it seemed as if she were elsewhere. Usually the only lucid comments were in relation to comfort & when her pain meds were due.
Dan & Caroline had come one morning to visit. As soon as Caroline walked in she just lit up, smiled and said in a perfectly clear voice, "Caroline!". She clearly recognized & was cognitively aware that her grandchild was there. Later that morning Dan stood by her bed, holding her hand and reminded her how proud he was to be her son. She replied back to him how proud she was to be his mother. As far as we know, that decleration was her last clear statement.

Between Dan & his dad, someone was always by her bedside. The afternoon of June 30th I was taking Caroline up to Gainesville ( about an hour north of Atlanta) for a special art class. That evening while we were there, Dan & his dad had left to head home for dinner. Within moments of his arrival home, the call came. She had passed. Having spent the majority of my nursing career in oncology, I have heard of that happening many times. As soon as the particular family member arrives from far away, or as soon as the family members leave, its as if the patient feels the peace to let go and spare the loved ones of witnessing the last breath taken.

Today is bittersweet. In the twelve months since her passing, sweet Poppop has aged exponentially. He will turn 88 this year. He is a bright blue eyed, silver headed and perpetually tan man. Never smoked , drank, nor said a cuss word. Loyal to his love for over 50 years. A member of the coast guard, born of swedish immigrants. A man who at one time could do & fix anything. He has wrinkles along the sides of his face formed from years spent smiling and seeing the good in people. He tells us that he kisses her picture each night before turning in. He has spent a great deal of this year with his own medical issues. We thought we were going to loose him a few months ago.

As soon as we pulled into the cemetary, i was able to see Poppop getting out of his daughters car-so frail, having just had a procedure the day before. I instantly felt the lump in my throat and my eyes sting with tears. I've done this many times before myself. Something so formal, so official about going to the graveside. I'll be honest, when the girls were tiny I seldom went to Gregg's grave. He wasn't there I told them. I was afraid it might confuse them, but maybe my motives were for selfish reasons. Maybe I just didn't want to go and face the reality laid out before me in marble & brass, that i was alone and that all they had was me. But something different about watching sweet tender hearted Poppop walk over to her headstone. I sucked it up and thought I needed to pull myself together. Caroline had talked to Dan the night before about how today was special. I prayed without looking to the backseat, that she was doing 'ok'. As she got out of the car, her little black patent mary janes shining in the bright sun, Pop pop gave her the honors of placing the flowers in the vase.

As we stood there, Poppop talked about how we would see Grammy again one day. That he believes she was looking down from Heaven as we gathered . That 70 or 80 years seemed like a long time but it would be nothing compared to the forever that awaits us there. We circled around the grave, all 8 of us holding hands. Dan prayed. As soon as I heard his deep voice begin to crack the tears started. Pooling at the rims of my oversized faux Chanel sun glasses. With my head bowed, I opened my eyes. The breeze was blowing, I was again aware of this glorious unusually nice Atlanta weather. I was holding both Savannah's and Caroline's hands. What struck me at that moment was how Caroline's little shadow was cast over the marble headstone. Her hands outstretched on either side yet in the shadow she looked as if she were standing alone. Taking photographs allows me to capture & hold onto the memory of a moment. As I stood there I asked the Lord to help me store that visual photograph in my heart. The shadowed image of a spiritually sensitive 8 year old little girl, who deeply loved her grammy & who was equally adored by her. The image that Jesus asked that we have the heart of a child. Innocent and pure, uncomplicated, simple, and close to His. The image of the tender heart of a child.

just like you

i'd love to give a shout out to my daughter madison
she has been an absolute delight this summer and a huge helper to me

i feel like i have a built in mommy's helper

madison is always cheerful with me & always asks how she can help

savannah has been lifeguarding this summer & working her tail off

emily, well-lets just say... sweet emi has quite the relationship going on with facebook & is a social butterfly. since she's only 13, i'll cut her some slack

but madison has been the helper extraordinaire

let me roll it out for you....yesterday i had to work all day, as did savannah. dan was visiting his dad in the hospital ( long story for another day). & emily was off with friends. so that left madison & caroline home together. madison is a natural in the kitchen & loves to cook. she googled a recipe for double chocolate chip muffins & made them from scratch. no lie, they may just be the best muffins i've ever tasted. she texted me a photo of caroline licking the bowl, followed by another photo text of their table scape, cute plates & napkins with huge perfectly baked muffins topped with powdered sugar.

they played & had spa time~ each sporting a fantastic manicure. then she covered caroline in sunscreen & packed a picnic lunch. off they went to the pool. monogrammed lunch tote, green tea, peanut butter & marshmallow fluff sandwiches , wheat flavored crackers, cute napkins and silverware, of course.

i came home from work to a spotless house & happy children.

madison has whipped through all the Harry Potter books multiple times. caroline wanted to read the first one this summer. so to help encourage caroline to persevere, madison offered to have a little book club for her where each week they review a chapter together. fantastic!

the list goes on & on

i received a couple calls this week from adults complimenting madison's cheerful disposition & her helpful spirit while helping at bible club and at her cheer practice

thank you sweet girl for everything you do
for me
& for sister


i'm so proud of you


i never had a big sister
but i would have loved one

just

like

you