Thursday, November 10, 2011

feel your fears & act anyway

the last several days i've been in a struggle.
you see, i have a stronghold in my life.
i know the verses
i know the truth
i know the quotes & the cliches

i've tried to lay it down
i have

sometimes i wonder if it will just always be this way for me...
dealing with the stronghold of fear.

when fear knocks at the door of my heart
it's like i can't help but let her in.
i don't invite her, or not intentionally anyway.
but when she comes, as much as i put on my game face
& spend time in truth
she still lurks around.

i don't like her
& i don't like myself when she takes up residence in my heart.

i wish i was stronger.
i think i used to be
i think i was brave
& strong
& competant
when i was younger.
maybe i lost that part of me after gregg died...i'm not sure.

but days like i've had this week
i wish i had her back,
the strong one back
not the fearful one.

i'm not a victim
& i don't want to act like one either.
but sometimes there are things that happen in my little world
that are stronger than i am.
or stronger than i feel anyway.
today it's just the fear of a what if.
it's the fear that comes when the letter reads "the doctor needs to see you again".
today the fear of the what if
feels stronger than i feel.

i shouldn't, we shouldn't , live by our feelings
but somedays that task is just a tough one.

i gave the kelly rae print, shown above, to savannah on the day she moved in to her college dorm.
a tough day for my heart
but a brand new exciting day for her.
i loved the line.."my wish for you is that you feel the full breath of possibility"...
i wanted her to know that the world was at her fingertips & everything was possible.

i ordered the card from kelly rae's shop. it came today.
& today i noticed the next line
"that you feel your fears & act anyway".
it's always easy to say something like that when i'm not fearful.
today i'm fearful
but i'm trying to act anyway.
today i'm trying to keep fear from consuming my heart.

i've spent sometime listening to chris tomlin's song, let faith arise.
while the entire song ministers to my heart,
i especially love the line
"his arms, a fortress for the weak...let faith arise".
today i'm leaning into His arms
because whether this what if stays a what if
it comes to fruition
my faith will arise
in a God who never leaves me
& has a plan for my life....
& yours too my friend.

Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are a fortress for the weak

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart, these things I remember
You are faithful, God, forever
So let faith arise
Let faith arise
Open my eyes


Kelli said...

Oh how I need this...oh how you need this. I am right now struggling with a fear and praying to act anyways. I will pray the same for you. Thank you for always sharing your heart, inspiring me, and sharing God's Truth.

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

wow, so powerful! SO POWERFUL!


PS. I am loving those print. I think I need one. And I will think of you!

Curtis said...

Paige, I have read your blog for over a year now. You are one of the bravest women I know. You have lived through death, found love, raised and are raising your beautiful daughters. I know how you feel about getting news from a physician..... you see we have a dear friend, a friend who married my wife and I 32 years ago, who has for the last 3 weeks been on life support, clinging to life, we pray, we lament, we love on his lovely wife and children. Yet I too am afraid, afraid of what if... Bruce does not pull through... what if he does but has brain damage..... our GOD is bigger than all of this, and in my heart I know it, but I too at times, am that scared little boy who needs to cling to Jesus, and his promises... You will be ok, you will come out stronger on the otherside of what ever it is that you are going through. I will pray for you and your family as you go through this trying time, that God gives you peace, and strength, and hope for another day.

Blessings to you and yours
Curtis & Sherrie

Shannon said...

Paige, I hope whatever fear you have has passed. You are so strong and help so many with just your words on this blog if you only knew what an inspiration you are to me! I love coming here and reading each and everyone of your posts knowing I will leave more inspired or just a little bit happier reading your meaningful words.
I love Kelly Rae Roberts and that print above was a perfect gift for your college gal.

Kat said...

Praying for you, sweet friend. Praying that the fear has passed. You are one of the bravest people I know. Kick that fear to the curb, girlfriend! xo

Lindsey said...

love your raw honesty. thanks so much for sharing. so so powerful. Gotta get that print!

Paige said...

Praying for you, nothing like fear when you have walked straight through it before! I too lost my husband to cancer when we were in our 30's and it changes you forever, stronger yet weaker.....struggle with fear is real and God knows that....hang in there!!

Lulu and Co. said...

Paige, I'm praying for you, staying strong and keeping fear at bay is always a struggle for me as well...there are days that it's so easy to let fear take hold and how quickly I can become engulfed in it. I always admire your strength you heart and your love for the Lord shines through. I hope this time of struggle passes quickly.

Chrissie Grace said...

I have been reading your blog for a while but this is my first comment. :)
I too, struggle with anxiety. My first husband died from the act of suicide almost 10 years ago. I have since been blessed with a wonderful husband and fabulous children, and I relate to your story.
I pray that fear stays away... for both of us :)
Chrissie Grace

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your honesty, it' s why your blog is my fave! I can relate to your fear as I have had some unexpected health issues this year. Keep on for keeping it real, you are an inspiration lovely lady!

Ciao Marezy said...

Praying for you tonight, Paige. Sending you prayers and blessings your way.

Jodi said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend! I hope that everything is okay for you; you are a very strong woman and you have a very strong family standing behind you to face your fears.


Cathy Louise said...

Hey beautiful girl, you are one of the bravest and most inspirational people I know...It is hard not to have doubt sometimes.... that just makes you who you are... Sending you the biggest hug and if you need to talk about anything darlin please you know I am just on the other side of this computer...Love C xoxoxo

Jboo said...

Thinking of you and sending prayers your way. Take care.


Just Ask Beth said...

praying and thinking of you... I know fear, but refuse to let her in, I have built up a wall that, sometimes no one can enter and that isn't good either..

Christan said...

Beautiful post. Thanks for your transparency. Sounds like you're going to the right place for refuge...

Christina said...

my friend,
all that you are feeling is so very normal- every inch of it.
i am sending up prayers for you- always.

God is able


Kim said...

sending up a prayer for you today....

amymck said...

praying for you my sweet, beautiful, faithful, courageous, and loving friend. god is good - all the time.....and right now he is wrapping you tightly in his mighty arms. rest in the comfort that only he can give. blessings to you my sweet friend....

The Avery House said...

Oh Paige, I bet you didn't know that when you posted this, you did "act anyway" and you did take a leap of faith. I bet you didn't also know how many people needed to hear just what you wrote including me on this very day. You let go of Miss Fear, and you let God work through it, and because of that, you have allowed your words to minister to many in the smae place. I needed this! I SO needed this answer to my own prayers. You bless me with your faith and with your actions. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Covering you in prayer...He is a fortress for the weak! There are times when I struggle with fear also but God knows your heart. He formed you and knows everything about you. Rest in in knowing that those who follow you through your blog are praying for you.
Lord God I pray in Your name for healing in this and that You will be glorified through it, Amen.


Between You and Me said...

praying for you, my sweet friend.
we all have strongholds in our lives that the Lord peels away at until they are there no longer...

the enemy takes those circumstances and vulnerable places in our lives and he attempts to use them against us.

he takes those times and causes us to question God's goodness...and faithfulness and ultimately, his love for us.

praying that Jesus reaches down into your heart and touches this soft and tender place that grips you.

another Chris Tomlin song that came to mind when I was reading your post....

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome and power
Our God, Our God...

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?



Gail said...

Satan's number one tool, against us...FEAR..False Evidence Appearing Real....St. Paul warned us about this....Renew your mind daily is what he said...Daunting...but...good news is...The Holy Spirit living inside our souls is willing, able, and wants to...strike out and stop the fear from coming into our thoughts. For it is a battle of the mind, not of flesh and blood. YOU are a winner!! Never think of anything different!!! Prayers today for..HIS Grace to over power your mind...and end the fear, Honey...God Bless

Susan R said...'s obvious that no matter how many times we are told, "Don't Worry", we do it anyway. I know what your fear is my friend and in my heart of hearts...I'm not worried. I'm not worried because I know the reality of it.
HOWEVER, I think that quote is very fitting because afterall, isn't it fear that changes us? Maybe "we act" out of fear and it changes us for the better. Maybe that fear makes us take our own personal inventory and change the negative things or take chances that we normally don't or it makes us do things that we've always wanted to do, but never had the courage to.
Fear is a funny also brings about courage and some good things, so face those fears and act on them. Then remember how you felt the next time fear comes around and act on it.
Love ya

Tiffany said...

bless you sweet paige!

i so understand your feelings - its hard to lean and we must have faith and trust God is with us and we are never alone.


julieann said...

Feel your fears and ACT ANYWAY..
You said it all in the title. Sometimes it helps to put your fear on paper Or blog in this case.
Just keep pushing past your fears...I think people sometimes see in us what we cant see in ourselves... I see a lot in you...
I hope your fear turns to Joy sooner than you can imagine it,.,

Anonymous said...

I used to love to read...You were so real and uplifting.
Now it seems that you are all about advertising products.
Pretty sad.

paige said...

to my previous commenter...the "anonymous one"...interesting that you choose to leave the "you're no longer real" comment on a post that's about as real as i can be.
& my choice to advertise is my choice. if you don't like that i advertise, please go elsewhere.

Bette Baker said...

So Beautiful, touched my heart.

bethy said...

love to you. no matter what you hear, God is bigger.

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

Sweet, sweet Paige. This post resonated with me. It is something I have struggled with so much for the past several years. A fear that can feel almost paralyzing sometimes. And yet, I have to push through it. Work thought it. Move through it. And I know that you can do the same. You are a strong, amazing woman. I have been so inspired by your story for the past several years. I always look forward to coming and visiting you here on your blog. Have faith, dear friend. And I will keep you in my prayers that your fear will subside, and that the "what ifs" will end up being nothing serious. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Hi Paige! Just wanted to let you know how much of a blessing your blog is to me. I am praying for you...fear is something that I really struggle with, it is hard to remember that God is in control of everything. And, I for one, love your advertisements! I have purchased a few things myself from your blogging/advertising and love it!!! Thanks for being such an encouragement to me!

Maria said...

So glad I am not the only one:) xoxo

Love Being A Nonny said...

Paige, I am so sorry...I am just now seeing this. But I am on my knees for you this morning because I too could have written this post. Fear grips me at times and causes me to be consumed with unhealthy thoughts. The thoughts become bigger than the actual fear. The *What If's* rarely happen but have already taken days away from me. My God give you peace and take away the *What Ifs*...He is bigger than all of them. Much love, Nonny

Katie said...

"Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe." Proverbs 29:25 (I think)

I'm a little late on this post, but I thought I would share that verse anyways. It's helped me in my battle with fear lately.

Kristin @ My Uncommon Slice of Suburbia said...

Praying for you sweet friend!

tara said...

Hi Paige, thanks for sharing your heart, I do hope that the real fear is kept at bay...and that everything will turn out to be ok. I think the only way I combat fear is to think of all the blessings in my life and really hold those true to my heart...hoping the fear will see those and subside. Thinking of you! xo

Staci said...

Beautifully said..thank you for sharing!

Anonymous said...

I've been struggling with this myself and I think I was stronger earlier in my life as well. I don't know what happened. I constantly have to quote scripture and say it until I FEEL it. I believe scripture and know this is the only way to battle our minds, but it's the "feeling it" that is so hard. I know MY GOD is stronger. I've especially felt this about my girls. I, like you, have girls who are either in the teen years or entering them and the "what if's" are constant. My 16 yr. old will be going on her first mission trip (with out mom or dad) this Spring and my mind has already been in a whirlwind. I KNOW this will be a good experience...BUT what if...
Thank you for sharing your heart and in the mean time blessing mine. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.


Carol S. said...

Hi Paige, not sure what to say but you will be in my prayers and I loved your post. We all have fears...worries...and acting anyway is a sign of faith that God is in charge, not us. Have faith. Sweet post and blog.