Sunday, March 20, 2011

spring's first day



it was the week that would usher in the first day of spring.
i sat across the desk from him.
he, the young & handsome a doctor.

i sat beside him.
he, the father of the baby i carried inside me
& the daddy to the two babies back at home.

cancer
it was inside him
& would now be our focus
for 9 months.
the handsome doctor told us that if gregg could make it to the 
5 year mark, he'd beat it.

9 months later
i buried the man i sat beside that day.
a good man
a man that i was crazy about & loved dearly.

not one to make things overly spiritual
yet
one who doesn't want to miss the miracle in the small details either...



5 years later
exactly
on the first day of spring
the Lord gave me a gift
wrapped in blond hair, blue eyes & a button nose
a reminder that He is good.
a reminder that although we live in a broken world with sin
and cancer
and tsunamis
and divorce
and child trafficking
and war
that we have a God who is always with us
who always hears our prayers
sees our tears
& He is good.

her life grew inside me for 9 months.
the same amount of time cancer robbed gregg of his.


now 10 years have passed
& she's growing up.
15 years have passed & we still miss him.
i look back on both of those first days of spring.
both reshaped my little world.
one, although it was one of the darkest days of my life
seems like a lifetime ago
yet anytime i drive by that hospital
my breath catches in my throat
& i remember.

10 years later
i look back on the other first day of spring
it was one of the the most amazing days of my life.
i see my baby girl
& my breath catches in my throat.
she is my reminder that He is good.
she is my sign of hope.

happy 10th birthday little one
i love you more than you'll ever know....
& then some
mama









(these are not recent shots but they are from my favorite shoot of her)

45 comments:

A Thrifted Market said...

Beautiful profound words! Thank you for sharing!

Love Being A Nonny said...

Happy Birthday to your baby girl! What bitter sweet memories on this first day of spring. Reminders of how precious and yet how precious life really is. Beautiful post.

The Avery House said...

Happy Birthday to your sweet girl. Thank you for sharing your story of grace. You write your own Thousand Gifts and share it so graciously.

Cheryl said...

Dear Paige,
You are truly an inspiration to me. You have walked through the fire, and trusted. Thank you for your open heart. I am forever grateful.
Cheryl

GLENDA CHILDERS said...

Paige,

This beautifully written post, contains the perfect balance of truth that we need in this crazy world. I am sorry for your loss and thrilled for your gains.

Fondly,
Glenda

Kacey said...

Simply beautiful. The writing AND the sentiment. Happy birthday to your girl!

Hoffman's Hideaway said...

She is beautiful. What a precious gift. Thank you for sharing her spirit.

*The Beautiful Life* said...

Oh how I love this post. It's all about the circle of life -- how He gives and this world takes and we live and we love and we say good bye and we say hello and on and on it goes,

This is such a heartfelt post - so full of hope and honesty.

Thanks, Paige.

And happy birthday to your sweetie pie.

:)

Ruth

Simone said...

This is so beautiful Paige, you have such a gift for writing....

GORGEOUS photos....I want a dress and trousers like those last few photos!! And you to do the photoshoot LOL!!

Here's to our special 10 year old girls!! xx

Susan R said...

And as usual Auntie Susan is running behind. Happy Birthday Miss C. I will be sending you a Happy Birthday package soon.
10 years old?! That's awesome.

puredesign said...

God always brings us through...And what a wonderful gift you received after such hearthache.

As always, your words, and your story...inspiring.

julieann said...

I dont recall how I found your blog but I just love it. Your daughters are beautiful but this little cuttie who is now 10 just makes me smile. She is adorable.
Really adorable. Keep smiling!!

Debby said...

Happy Birthday to your cute 10 year old. Your words are always so beautiful. You can truly hear how much love you have in your heart for your children and the two men that you have loved. I am sorry that your husband had to leave. I am so happy that you found new love and have been able to have a good life.

Katiebee said...

happy birthday caroline!

paige...

such a touching post~ i just love reading your words~ and your pictures....beautiful!

xo

katie

carol wingert said...

Happy Birthday to your baby girl! That photo shoot is one of my favorites, too! She's a sweetie!

Number 6 and no more counting! said...

your girl is so beautiful.

Thank you, for sharing this story. I am so touched.

lea
xo

Janie Fox said...

Lovely post. Your words are so wise and so very true. She is beautiful in those pictures.

simpledaisy said...

Beautiful Beautiful post! And Happy Birthday to your sweet little girl:)

Jo Jo said...

Ah! God IS good! What a great testimony!

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

Sweet Paige,
If it was possible for me to love you (and your precious family) even more, then this post pushed me to that place...

Your heart... your story... just blesses me so much... and reminds me that no matter how I feel, God has a story already written for each of us.. no matter how heavy my heart... He sees it and He makes all things new.

Love you girly.
Sash

Christina said...

miracles~ they are all around us. thank you for sharing.
happy b-day to your cutie pie.
xoxo

janet said...

Happy Birthday to your beautiful daughter..Thank you for sharing your story..I am moved by your strength..

Ashley Eiler said...

talk about breath catching in your throat....girl....God is good...all of my love!! can't wait to meet the rest of the family in just a few short sleeps!! xo mwah

Tammy said...

I adore these images of Caroline...she's is such a beautiful child! Happy Spring to you dear friend!
Tammy :-)
JUNK WILD

LLH Designs said...

Paige! How do you do it? How do you write such raw and real words that make my eyes well up every time? You are BEAUTIFUL. And so is your baby girl!

I can't believe the 9 month connection between losing one and gaining another. And yet I can.

Have you read "One Thousand Gifts" yet? I'm cracking wide open with every word. You would love it.

Xoxo,
Linsey

Lori @ Lori May Interiors said...

So beautifully written. Thank you!

Kristin said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Caroline.

Regina said...

Oh Paige. God is a certainly a God who fulfills His Word. You bring to mind Isaiah 61, which speaks of the our Lord:
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

May your daughters be "oaks of righteousness", displaying the splendor of His glory!! You certainly are! Thanking God for you and your family!
Love you, Regina

Jboo said...

Oh Paige -- what a sweet and beautiful post.

Happy birthday to your darling Caroline!

Hope you have a great week.

Janet

Kelli said...

I love your perspective. Those pictures of your little one are just gorgeous. She is so sweet with the white and rosy cheeks.

Simply Jen said...

Dear Paige-
Honestly, you are a beautiful writer...photographer...person. Every morning, after I get the kids off to school, I look forward to your inspiring words. They always seem to bring me back to what matters, and I truly thank you for that.
Happy Birthday to your beautiful ray of sunshine that blessed you and your family 10 years ago!

Jen xo

ers said...

Hi sweet girl. you are one of the only blogs i have to check in on.. love all your going ons. happy bday to your girl. and had to tell you that you are reading my two fav books at the moment.
one thousand gifts has rocked my world, and i am praying for you as you read it!!Life changing for me!!!
(and you should be ashamed of yourself for having never read the best jane austen ever)
(by the way.. there is a new Jane Eyre movie out that is only playing at Tara theatre in Atlanta. looove it!)
just thought id say hi. take care of yourself.
.
erin

LuLu said...

So touching! I've a lump in my throat after reading your words. Happy birthday to your adorable daughter!
XO,
LuLu

Marci @ All Things Wonderful said...

Beautiful post. Happy Birthday to your sweet daughter. God is good.

Just Ask Beth said...

that just took my breath away.. happy spring to one of my favorite christian women on the blog..

Alecia said...

Precious precious post....I love the faithfulness of the Lord...He redeems all things doesn't He?!?! :-) Love the sweet pics of Sweet Caroline...hope you had a fun time celebrating!

Curtis said...

What at beautiful post Paige. God is faithful even in our darkest hour. He took that day of pain and dispair and eased it a bit when Little Bit was born. A friend of mine posted on her blog today that our life is like sandstone, layers of things that happen to us and for us all piling up and making us the person we are today.... and knowing that we will be different next year at this time, but always through the layers our GOD reigns supreme.....
Blessings to you and yours
Curtis

Jillian, Inc said...

Sweet. Sorrow. Such a beautiful tribute.

Privet and Holly said...

It goes fast,
doesn't it??
Ten years in
a blink,
fifteen in a
heartbeat.
Love how you
notice it all;
love how it's
written on your
heart.
xx Suzanne

Becky said...

Beautiful pictures...precious daughter...sweet sentiments...and I know exactly how you feel! Thanks for sharing.

Jackie said...

Such a precious post. I'm bawling my eyes out.
Love & Hugs & Happy Birthday to Little Bit.

Kimberly said...

Paige, you never fail to give me goosebumps. Thank you for sharing. You're right ... He is good. Happy birthday to your precious girlie!

Shannon said...

Such a beautiful post Paige! I hope she had a wonderful Birthday :)

3 Peanuts said...

She is the cutest lil bug ever. I ADORE her ruffly pants and top too.


Your story is so poignant. God is good and he is always there for us.

Kat said...

Oh Paige, what a beautiful post.