& i'm awake
blogging & facebooking like i'm a night owl or something
little bit has come into our bedroom the last two nights with a raging fever
she feels better in the day time but bottoms out at night
the doctor told us today she just has a virus
school starts on monday, 5th grade
& she's all puny
the last two evenings she's asked if she could fall asleep in our bed
while i'm reading & dan's sitting in his chair watching baseball & reading "Radical"
dan wanted to make sure that i had given her the green light "because these days are numbered"
the last several days i've caught myself tearing up more than i EVER have
this sending away my first born
to live somewhere else
is killing me
& ya'll, i'm not trying to be funny
i like her
i really do like the young woman she's grown in to.
i like her here. with me. thank you very much.
i think once our children pass on through that awkward phase into the young adult phase
has to be one of, if not my absolute, favorite stage
i must be dysfunctional
& to be perfectly honest
i've searched my heart to make sure i'm not all "living through my child &all"
& i'm not.
what i am
is a mama
who wanted above all to be a mama
& i've come to realize, that i like all my baby children in my nest
while i'm not a hover mom
i don't need to be the team mom for every event they're involved in
nor do i attend everything they do
(not that there's anything wrong with that)
i try to give them some space
some elbow room
some elbow room
but living in a "different place" space is a whole new ballgame
i want to see them dressed up heading out the door
i want to hear who's dating who
& who said what
what their current favorite song is
& i want to cook their favorite dinner
& have them all around my table as much as possible
with their friends
i know my posts have been all sappy lately
but this is my heart
i love tonight
while little bit was trying to drift in to neverland
all three girls kept coming & going from my bedroom
chatting and laughing at different times
dan gave in and has sacked out on the floor ,for now, beside brinkley
while little bit dozes and snuggles up beside me
she smells like a warm buttered biscuit
i could just eat her up
savannah is down the hall, picking out rush outfits with bailey
& all is right with my world....