Monday, August 01, 2011

it's constant, this giving away




it's hard to believe she's big enough to go to kindergarten
her backpack is half as big as she is
she's all dressed up wearing her red mary janes
& little cotton dress that seems a tad too big
her pink lunchbox has a little note to remind her you love her
you wonder how on earth you'll get through the next 8 hours, everyday for the next 10 months
you walk by her bedroom & make her bed, her pillow still smells just like her
you wonder if her teacher knows how fantastic she is
if she'll hug her and tell her she's amazing
will she tell her she's capable of changing her little world
will the other 20 children in her classroom play nicely
but it's just what you do
you put her on that big yellow bus
& give her away
for the day anyway
you trust her in the care of another.

it's a happy day. really it is.
yet there's a part of your mama's heart that's breaking away.


but they say you'll be fine.
it's just what you do. 


then what seems something like two weeks later...
it's hard to believe she's really going away to college
you've seen her all dressed up in a cocktail gown
it certainly isn't a tad too big
& think to yourself, she's surely the most beautiful girl at the dance
in your heart of hearts you sometimes feel you're still her age
& wonder why she had to grow up so fast.
instead of that green & yellow box of 24 crayons
you've bought her a mac book to take with her
& instead of writing sweet notes for her lunch box you're writing on her facebook wall
you wonder if her professor knows she's amazing
surely he or she won't hug her & tell her she's wonderful
she's going to change her world
instead of choosing between chicken nuggets or fish sticks
she'll be choosing the next president of the united states
you walk by her room. it's pretty empty now. you wonder, does her pillow still smell like her?
as you drive away from the dorm
you wonder out of 30,000 people on her campus, who will be her lifelong friends
you wonder how you'll get through, not just 8 hours, but this next phase of her life.
of your life.
you're giving her away all over again.
it's a happy thing. really it is.

but yet there's a part of your mama's heart that's breaking away.
 they say you'll be fine
it's just what you do


in what will surely seem like a blink away,
there will a day
your soul mate will have her hand wresting on his arm
he'll walk her down that aisle that seems too short.
their walk down the aisle is not long enough for you to think back through all the years.
you remember that first day in kindergarten.
you remember books & braces and her proms.
she'll be wearing a gown that takes your breath away
you're certain she's the most beautiful bride. ever.
you'll be up on the front row looking back at everyone smiling
you wonder if they all realize she's amazing
he'll kiss her & surely will be crying
he'll place her hand in his
he surely knows she's amazing
& he surely will know she's the most beautiful young woman
 she'll surely change his world

it's a wonderful happy day
they say you'll be just fine.
for this mama, today, it's just a dream
yet you know in your heart it'll be here in the blink of an eye
 

it's constant
this giving away


44 comments:

Maria said...

The waterworks are flowing in my heart:) You are sending your oldest to college, I am sending my oldest to kindergarten. Oh a mothers heart. So tender.
But isn't it amazing that God gave us these children to mother? He picked us just for them. And the best part is that they need us no matter how old they are. Sending lots of love to you.

Renee said...

You are right. It is constant and it is just what you do. They were born to leave. Beautifully written.

Deborah said...

What beautiful words Paige. I remember exactly how that feels to leave your baby girl at college. I will say a special prayer for you and your sweet daughter. As always, thanks for sharing.

Jboo said...

So sweet!! It does by in the blink of an eye! What a wonderful adventure she has ahead of her and with your wonderful guidance and love, she's all set! Thinking of you!

Janet

Sheri said...

Yikes - this is too much for this mama who is packing up a son's room. It's not easier with a boy I can assure you. After this college "stuff" I will worry if there will ever be a girl good enough for him :) Enjoying these last few days. Enjoys yours. :) p.s. - probably my favorite post ever from you Paige - love how you put it.xoxoxo

Debby said...

Time just goes by too quickly. I remember taking my daughter to college. She was our oldest.
At that time we were foster paretns to a 4 year old. We stayed the week-end at her college to get her settled. It helped a little. When we walked out of her dorm, I almost fell off the curb. Our little one said, "You aren't leaving her here, are you." I remember that my husband and I didn't talk for a week.......because we would start crying. After two weeks things felt so much better then.....she called and said, "I'm coming home for the week-end."
After that it all felt better....that is until the next one went off to college, hah.
Good luck. It is so hard. It will get better. (((((HUGS))))

Judy said...

Every single word of your post is exactly how I felt with every single "give away" of my daughter (and my son). She's now been married almost 15 (!) years (how can it be that long?) yet she's still my baby. She calls me every morning and we talk on her way to work...we talk via FB, etc. I spent the day with her on Saturday while we did some deep cleaning at her house. Yes, I know she's a grown woman with a husband and 7 year old twins, but she's my baby, always has been, always will be.

Judy

Christina said...

oh honey you give me so much strength as a mama.
i send yall love.
xo

Katie said...

Oh! So sweet, you had me tearing up a little.... she is SO blessed to have a Mom like you :)

Alecia said...

Beautifully written...I pray sweet Savannah cherishes this new season and grows deeper and deeper in love with her First Love. I pray she's a shining light to those she meets and that the Lord will send her sweet Christ-following friends to walk through this season with.

Blessings sweet friend in this transition of life. I pray you and the fam adjust well.

Tracey @ BellaSky said...

that is amazing & so what mamas must go through
mine are 9 (twins) & i cant even imagine!

{hugss}

Sara said...

So sweet and so true. When I crawled into bed the night we moved our son into the dorm, I sorta panicked wondering "have I told him everything I need to tell him?", "have I tought him everthing I need to teach him?","will he make the right decisions?". Then, a wonderful peace came over me when God nudged me and reminded me that I had to put him in HIS hands. After that I rolled over an slept like a baby.

Renovation Girl said...

Can't stop crying here because I'm not so good at the giving away part of mothering. Mine little guy is only 7 and even those years have gone by in an instant. Many prayers to you as you take your darling to college.

3 Peanuts said...

Thanks for making me cry this morning Paige. I am speechless. You have written what is in all us mother;s hearts. The boys are both at sleep-away camp and while I am enjoying the peace a tiny bit, my heart aches missing them. And Kate is about to go to kindergarten and I am so reluctant for that. I know it will be a blink of an eye before they start leaving for college.


You have prepared her so well and she will soar. I love what Sara wrote about it all being in God's hands now.

I will be paying for you and for Savannah (and her adorable BFF too)

Love,
Kim

ProjectHope7 said...

wow.... beautifully written. thanks so much for sharing. Glad I found your blog today.( meandering seaside blogs and somehow found you!)...you captured what so many of us go through with our children ...amazing. It starts when we leave them with a sitter...then leaving them at school...then leaving them, one day, with a spouse.. and so much more! Thank you again for sharing!

..it must be on the hearts of moms right now... hadn't blogged in awhile and yesterday wrote a short blog post "sands of time"..which was evoked when remembering looking into my daughters eyes and face one day!

Cathy B
pbprojecthope at yahoo dot com
http://palmbreezeliving.blogspot.com

Yvonne said...

Paige, my heart aches for you as you start this new journey in life. One of the main reasons I love your blog is that I get to re-live those fabulous teenage years through your life with your girls. My son is now 30 and my daughter is 28. I remember the football games, the homecomings, the proms, and the constant coming and going of all their friends in our home. Then one day I had to say goodbye to my son when he and his Army unit shipped out to war in Iraq...my heart was broken beyond words that I might not actually get to see his beautiful face again. But, praise God he did return home safe and sound... though older and wiser for such a young man. I remember the day he got married on the beach... time to let go once again. I remember the day my daughter graduated from college...the day she got married...the day she gave birth to my beautiful grandson and granddaughter...all with such immense joy. But I fully understand the feeling of always letting go...just a bit more. It will be okay, I promise. Life moves on and we adjust to the "new". Now our little family has expanded, our grandchildren bring joy beyond words and my husband and I are enjoying romantic weekends away on a regular basis. One of the joys of having children in your early twenties... you are still young enough to travel and enjoy life to the fullest! Hugs and prayers, Yvonne

Heather said...

What a beautiful post!

tessie said...

Just beautiful.

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

Darn it, Paige! You did it to me again. Tears are dripping on my keyboard! This is a beautiful post. You are a beautiful mother! Good luck in this next phase of life. It's a happy thing.
xoxo

Privet and Holly said...

Holding on
a bit tighter
to my own girl
after reading
this. Feels like
you rolled my
own heart out
there with yours.
Loving you both
today.
xx Suzanne

Shannon said...

Paige, your writing amazes me and brought tears to my eyes once again. You are such a wonderful mom and I can only hope to have such an amazing bond with my girls as you have with yours!

Kitty@EmbraceableLife said...

Beautiful Miss Paige. Tears....
We take our daughter to UGA this Friday. She's our baby. I thought it was rough the first go 'round with her older brother. But I don't know if there are enough peanut M & M's available to get me through this one. The water works started in strong today; and the official count down has begun.
My heart is aching for you too. Know that we'll make it, and we've done the right thing raising our girlies to be strong, successful, independent ladies. Much Love!

Carol S. said...

Wow, Paige this is beautiful. I don't get goose bumps often reading blogs, but this one did it. I have boys, not girls, but they are just as amazing to me and will be missed when their life is more distant than today. I love Yvonne's inspirational words and her romantic weekends with her hubby! A prayer that our children are always safe in His arms.

Daily Tales of Sugar and Spice said...

i barely got through this. geez oh peet. you are a writer my friend - such a sweet way of capturing beautiful moments in time. my first one is "old" for her grade so i get her one more year before the big kindergarten sendoff. i will need therapy on that day. or maybe you'll meet me for coffee. :)

Louise said...

You have such a talent, not just a way with words, a way to convey feelings!! And your feelings are SO precious.

LLH Designs said...

Another kleenex post! You're keeping that company in business! So, so sweet, Paige. And as I read, a super sweet Jack Ingram song was playing in my house with these lyrics: this is my girl; this is my world. Awww.

Thanks for always sharing your real heart.

xoxo,
Linsey

Maggie said...

Another tissue please!!!!

Maggie said...

Another tissue please!!!!

A Thrifted Market said...

Oh my goodness..the tears are rolling! As I prepare to walk my baby girl down the aisle in 9 short months it all came back to me..ugh..deep breaths, deep breaths..

Pam said...

Oh my goodness, this is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. Bless your Mama heart. She is amazing because of you!
Pam

Cathy Louise said...

Oh Paige !!!!!!!! WOW you write so very beautifully, tears are flowing and I can feel it in my chest, that miracle of being a mum!!! My big uni girl is still at home with her mum,so many assignments, work and a boy (they have been together 2 and a half years now)....I always tell my kids they are my dream come true and they surely are...You are amazing xxxx

Just My Cup of Joe said...

Just got back from driving my oldest daughter back to college (year 2) and it still tugs on my heart. I totally understand how your feeling, sorta like a piece of the puzzle is missing.

Erica said...

Love it. Beautifully written.

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teresa sheeley said...

Wish I could tell you when you send them off it gets easier with time--but it doesn't. They go, they come back, they go again, it's a vicious cycle on mommy hormones. :) But it is the thing we must do; although it bites; it is well worth it when you see those big accomplishments...and marriage - much easier than sending them away to college. :)

Diabra said...

I'm just colouring and creating a box work tv with my 4yo. I will hold her that much closer and realise how short this time is after reading your beautifully written words. Thankyou

Adriene said...

You have many beautiful gifts. One is the words you give your beloved girls, your most precious gifts. Thank you for sharing them with us.
I send my baby girl to kindergarten next week, so you got me boohoohooing!

mamgof4 said...

I am wondering if you have read my mind.. I could not have said it any better than you. Thank you for Posting what Mom's feel about their little babies growing up way to fast. You made my tears stream.

nonnie said...

Tears are falling. Hearts are twisting. Mothering is bitter sweet.

God bless all of us tender hearted mommies....

Simone said...

Oh my goodness Paige, I am crying so hard....this was beautiful. I actually had to stop reading halfway through, it was too upsetting!

You want so much for them and yet, you never want them to leave....it's so hard!!!!

And my eldest is only 10 :)

Hugs to you my friend XX

kasey said...

what a beautiful post Paige.....
xo

traci said...

it is hard. she is an amazing young lady. i think she takes after her mama. she is going to soar. and you will be fine because you will see her thrive and your heart will swell. hugs!!!

LuLu & Co. said...

Oh gosh I have a huge golf ball in my throat and my heart is thumping.... beuatiful post and I feel everyday raising children is preparing them to venture out on their own. We are on vacation and have a day scheduled for a college tour...and three years away still seems so soon.
Xo,
LuLu

Jodi said...

Paige~ I am just catching up on things. What a lovely post and beautiful pictures! I can imagine how I will be when Beka goes to college; I'm having a hard enough time with her going to high school.

Take care!
Jodi

Jen said...

Beautiful. My daughter is going into kindergarten, and I am feeling a "giving away." How a mother's heart sighs deeply at each step their child makes towards independence.