Monday, February 02, 2009

mothering



Its been a tough couple of days for this mom's heart.
Both my older girls are going through a tough time , each with big decision they need to make.
Nothing life or death
each is different
yet similar in many ways.
Both of them are strong, talented & confident girls. Its hard to see them each in a place where they are doubting themselves, doubting their skills, and their self confidence pretty near empty.
Dan & I spent some private time with each of them individually this weekend. We let them just vent, ramble, cry, and be tender.
I don't want to tell them what to do, actually neither of them asked me what they should do and i'm proud of that. While i want to guide them, its also my job as a mom to help prepare them for the day when they truly are independent. I want them to have convictions and opinions that are their own . I don't want either of them just to do or not do anything just to please us as parents. I am so proud of both of them.
To sit and listen to each of them verbalize frustration with themselves, that they aren't on the top their "A" game, nearly broke my heart in two.

I picked up a book this weekend, The Middle Place, that i'm just totally pumped about reading. Kelly Corrigan is amazing. To listen to her talk about mother~daughter relationships , father~daughter relationships, motherhood, friendships, her battle with breast cancer....she's just an incredibly gifted communicator. If you haven't watched her youtube video, i highly encourage you to stop for a few minutes, grab some tissues, & be touched.
I saw several book club interviews where she talks about many issues, mainly motherhood, & i just bawled right through them all.
I'm also reading a book by Adriana Trigiani, Milk Glass Moon. The main character is also raising a teenage daughter & has some wonderful mothering quotes...
let me share these~~
" I thought motherhood was a job with security, but its not.
It's the least permanent job in the world,
the only job in which your skills become obsolete overnight.
It was that way from the beginning.
When I finally got a handle on breastfeeding, it was time for solid food....
When she went to school, I thought she'd need me more, but all of a sudden she had a life apart from me & was just fine.......
This is , of course, the point of it all--
preparing your children to leave you..."

" as i hold her, i
wish for a second that i had another lifetime
just to be her friend instead of her mother"
"this is the best moment to be a parent,
when you see that your child is going to surpass you,
that her curiosity will take her places and teach her things
you never even thought about."
" she reads my heart like a passage from a play,
with emotional understanding of the moment
but with one eye always on the bigger picture"





Last night as I carefully studied each of their tender tear stained teenage faces, I couldn't help but see these little faces looking back at me....wasn't that just yesterday?





24 comments:

Jennifer said...

My kids are small, but lots of people tell me it "gets easier." When I hear this, I always think, "that's not what I heard." It seems as though it gets harder. I'm already experiencing this on the smallest of levels. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy the stage they are end...because everything is passing.....

Southern Sugar said...

Paige, you've touched my heart. As you so often do my friend. Its so very hard when I a band aid or a popsicle won't fix it. When you can't make it better. For moms and children. Like a knife in your heart. I want so badly to make everything better for mine sometimes, but know that I can't and have to be there and pray and let them deal with life. You are a precious momma. I will pray for all of you. Bless you! Thank you for sharing.

Hey, have you seen the commercial where the little girl about 6 is asking her daddy for the car keys and when he says yes she turns into a 16 year old? I love it. Thats exactly how it feels sometimes:)

Amber Ellis said...

I've tagged you in my latest post. I love reading your blog!

Kasey said...

I read that book and it was so wonderful.
I think it's so hard being a mother of daughter/s.
You are a wonderful mother, and I know everything will be fine.
sending smiles and love from up here.....

Jen Kershner said...

Awww Paige. I'm sending you a big 'ol hug. I hope you can feel it. My Maddie is 15 so I totally understand. I had no idea how difficult parenting a teenager would be. Why didn't anyone warn me? I hope you and your girls get through this time and are better for it. Love, Jen

Cstargel said...

Paige, please tell me I'm going to be okay parenting to a daughter! I was so terrified to have a girl because the boys just seem so much easier and less maintenance. I wouldn't trade her for the world but am anxious of her teenage years. I'll be praying myself through it!!!

I know you will do and say the right thing and I'll say a special prayer for you tonight.

Hollie said...

wow, first time visitor to your blog and you already got me teared up! What a precious blog....and family! I have enjoyed reading through your blog...even some past postings. You are a mother with a big heart and I've learned from you already. I'm going to check out some of the books you've recommended. Your girls are beautiful. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wisdom. My daughter is one and a half and I'm learning as I go!

Pixel Fairy Princess said...

OMg - HUGS!!!!
You are so tender and compassionate and I am sending a lot of prayer to you right now for your family and the girls. Growing up is so hard and the decisions we face are tough. Call me if you want to get together and chat - I would just love to come and visit you for and hour or two. BTW - Kristen is amazing :D

Ladybug hugs,
;D

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

I think this is such a beautiful post. My children are little. I think of everything that is to come, and I think that learning to let them stand on their own two feet will be one of the most difficult things to do. Hang tight, Paige. You are doing your best, and they will be better for that.

The Golf Widow said...

I glad I'm still in the days when a hug makes it all better.I am going to check out both of those books.Thanks for sharing your girls with us.

Lissa said...

Thank you for sharing your heart with your readers. I've read your blog for some time and admire your love for your daughters, husband, and the Lord. You're an inspiration! Lissa

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

I am so sorry that you all are having a tough couple of days......you are such a wonderful Mother and you can tell how strong the bond is between you and your beautiful girls!!

Hugs my friend....things will get better!!

Lisa

PS. I had the pleasure of meeting Kristen this weekend at Debbie's photography workshop....what a sweetheart!!

Jeanneoli said...

Sweet Paige, Your girls are so blessed to have a mother whose heart breaks when theirs does. I also admire how you are holding your tongue, listening and you are letting them think things through. I will keep you all in our prayers. Growing up is so tough. I love that your girls talk so freely with their daddy too...you are all blessed.

Cathy Louise said...

Oh as you know sweet friend I feel this post!!! From every depth of my being!!!!Kirstie had a rough day at school today no big decisions just do people really like me, am I going to cope with a higher level of school work and really am I a good person!!!! The quotes that you wrote at the end just touched my heart so much!!! My little Andy on the other had a wonderful day, he was picked for the highschool basketball team and was so excited as he really hasn't played much before... The lows and highs of parenting but I truly wouldn't give up one minute of it....Love you sweet friend xx

3 Peanuts said...

Paige----

Your post really touched me today. Will is away on a school trip for the first time this week and I am a wreck. The letting go part of parenting is definitely the hardest part. I admire your wisdom and you quiet way of parenting your girls. I will pick up those books. I hope the girls feel better soon.

Hugs,
kim

Jboo said...

You are so right -- this mothering gig is a tough one! And I think sometimes that it gets even harder as kids get older. And we all thought it would be easier then, didn't we! Take care. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Janet

Anonymous said...

O 'fer jeez, Paige...I could even half of this without crying! So I stopped. Your girls will work though it--absolutely--. Just takes a little bit of time, right?We are having touch issues with our daughter right now, too. Hoping it will all be fine, but it's hard! Those babies...unconditional love is the very very best. What a blessing children are!

xoxo
Teresa McFayden

cammyk said...

Oh Paige, your daughters are so blessed to have you as their momma. It is so hard to not want to just take care of things for them and make it all better. I think it is so much tougher being a teenager today than it was for us.
Sending hugs your way.
Cammy

ers said...

you just made me so excited about being a mother to a girl. i love my boy, but i can not wait to have the mother/dtr relationship. thank you for tellingme about that lady kelly.

Kristin said...

Wow. The love of a Mama's heart. You are real and just true my friend. Thanks for sharing and pray for these one little girls that I still love so. They are strong girls and have learned this from their Mom. You will see, they will come through this as better and stronger people and I will just pray that they come through their tender times knowing God, themselves and hope bigger than before. Love to you my friend.

southernjoy said...

I think this is just so, so beautiful. It is so evident from reading your words how much you treasure each moment of your girls' lives.. even the ones that sometimes tear at your heart.

Chris and Deb said...

Such a beautiful post Paige! You always hear how mothering is one of the hardest jobs you will ever do! I would have to agree....but I am sure it only gets more challenging when they are teenagers! I look at Sophie and cannot believe how fast the years fly by! You are such a wonderful Mom to your girls...praying that whatever it is that is troubling them will too pass. Wishing you all sunnier days ahead! Hugs to you Paige!!

Jodee Leader said...

This is such a beautiful post! Parenting is definitely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life! I will check out this author! Thanks for posting it.

melissa said...

Such a beautiful, touching post. Although I am the mom of all boys, I can certainly relate (2 of mine are in college).
I have read both of the books you mentioned - great reads! (I enjoy all of Adriana Trigiani's books). The passaged you mentioned just tugs are my heart strings. With 2 boys gone (and boys really are 'gone' once they go away to college):( and another son just about to become a teenager.
My prayers are with you and your girls, Paige.

melissa