Wednesday, September 29, 2010

i don't really know where to start
i can't really come up with a good title
this morning i am just heart broken

i'm sorry if you're new to my blog
i don't always talk about such heavy things

but this is life right now

last tuesday evening i received the call that my precious friend's daughter
had been killed in an accident
i was just about to head downstairs to watch glee for the first time
with my own teenagers
mindless tv that i virtually never watch
but wanted to hang out & enjoy what my girls enjoyed

i stood at the window
cell phone in hand talking to a lifelong bff
a mother herself, who had buried her own child years ago
while we discussed virginia's death
viriginia & my savannah...born only months apart
as i looked out the window, savannah was pulling in the driveway
just another reminder that life continues...that life doesn't stop for all when it stops for one

that fact always blows me away

that very same day
another young girl lost her battle with cancer
14 year old daniela went to be with lord
she was one of my daughter , madison's best friends

i went to a funeral on wednesday
my daughter went to a funeral on saturday

monday morning i headed over to visit my precious friend sandra
sandra & i have been friends for over 20 years
my hubby taught her daughter in elementary school
that very daughter, now 27, stood before me monday & took my breath away
she could be ms america. seriously.

sandra's husband mike was upstairs
battling cancer
diagnosed only 10 weeks ago

sandra was there for me when gregg died
sitting in her gloriously decorated home monday
i feared the tables were turning
that she would soon be where i was 15 years ago

we talked about how our big strong healthy men
mike & gregg
battled such a horrific disease
the injustice of it all

she remembered moments in gregg's last days that i had actually forgotten
your mind compartmentalizes sadness that's beyond understanding
in ways we can't comprehend

i prayed that she would remember the health & vigor of her sweet mike
not the mike whose body was ridden with cancer
we talked about fear
we talked about telling our daughters that their daddies were dying

both sandra & her daughter lauren look like Ms Universe
gorgeous women
strong women
their home should be in a magazine
as i pulled out of the driveway on a gorgeous fall day
i realized that a passerby would never imagine the grief inside that georgian home

this morning
at 3 am
mike passed on from this life......

while we know
that all these precious loved ones
are healthy & whole today in heaven
their bodies perfect
no broken bones or cancer
the "they're in a better place" is obvious
& while knowing that does bring peace
life goes on today
the birds are still chirping outside my window
there is traffic on all the highways in atlanta
koda & kathy lee are still going to be chatting on the today show...for crying out loud

but the immeasurable heartache of those left behind
will not soon end
sometimes having nothing to say
is ok
just holding that person & telling them they are loved is all you can do
that's where i am today

wanting to encourage so many
remind them that they have a god who sees every tear
& who heard every prayer
every single prayer
& that there is hope
hope in knowing we were not meant for this world
hope in knowing that they will see their loved ones

i've mumbled & rambled
i apologize for the lack of eloquence
but i want to share the following song
i realize i shared it months ago
but as i ran yesterday & tried to process all the pain of my friends
i listened to this song of hope
i lose it every time at the bridge around min 2.47

i go to two churches
one is lead in worship by chris tomlin
here he is, probably being filmed at our church

there's a day that's drawing near
when this darkness breaks to light
& the shadows disappear
& my faith shall my eyes

Jesus has overcome
& the grave is overwhelmed
the victory is won
he is risen from the dead
& i will rise when he calls my name
no more sorrow
no more pain
i will rise


LissyLou said...

i am so so sorry to hear that life is tough at the moment, you and others are in my thoughts and prayers xxx

Simone said...

Oh Paige, what a beautiful and eloqent post, I am so so sorry for your losses.....those beautiful girls, my heart breaks for their families.

Hugs and love to you and your family xoxo

The Rural Life (aka Cornbread Fed) said...

Fall is my favorite time of year, but I have lost so many friends in September and October, it's resentful. I'm very sorry.

melissa said...

Oh Paige ... I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you sweetie, and your precious friends.
May God, the father of all mercies bring comfort & peace to you all. xoxo

'Our hope is in Him'
Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long
Psalm 25-4-5

Amy said...

Loving you babe, and thinking of you at this time. x

Susan said...

This seems unbelieveable. I mean, I know people die and that's a part of being "on this world", but so many and so close to you. The only word I can think of is overwhelming.
I know all too well the feeling when someone close to you dies and truly your world seems to move it pause or slow motion and you can't believe the rest of the world continues to move at a normal pace. I hate to say this, but in the words of my mama who left this world a few short years ago, "This too shall pass" I can just hear her voice saying it too. She said it plenty of times and it was always when I was feeling low, so from my mama to you Paige...."This too shall pass". The Lord hears your prayers and knows you are grieving, He will carry you through this.

Leslie said...

My heart breaks with you,that pain that you just can't describe. That song is one of my all time favorites.
I will pray for all of those families.

Raised In Cotton~Carol said...

Dear Paige~ What a beautiful post and a loving tribute to your sweet friends. After the deaths of my Mom and two brothers three years ago, I was not sure my heart would ever heal. My faith and family were and continue to be a God Send to me. Peace Be With You and Your Family~

Farmgirl Paints said...

What a beautiful song. Gave me chills...perfect for today my friend. I know they are all in a better place, but that doesn't really make the pain we feel as we continue life without them any less. Grief is so hard. Praying for your friend. She didn't even have that much time to adjust to the idea.

Ange said...

I have never commented on your blog before but this post moved me to tears - so beautifully written and that song is one of my favourites.

I lost both my father & sister to cancer and I remember thinking in the days following - how can there be TV shows still can there be people outside walking their dogs with smiles on their faces. In my mind, I felt like the whole world should've stopped with us.
This is a beautiful reminder to be grateful for every moment and to know that everyone is facing difficult times and we need to pull each other close.
Thank you!

Polly said...

Paige, I'm so sorry to hear of what you and your friends have been enduring. Your friends are lucky to have you in their lives. You are all in my thoughts and prayers!



traci said...

i am praying for you and your friend. i wish i could be there to hug you paige. please know that i am doing just that right now in my heart. xo!

kimberly at mimicharmante said...

My sweet sweet friend,
You have been through so much these past few weeks and I am so very sorry that you have experienced such sadness. I find your grace inspiring and know that you will get through all of this, as will those you love, because of your support and your incredible faith.
Thinking of you in these difficult times~

Tammy said...

Paige-I'm praying for you and your friends. Your post was beautiful...a loving tribute to the friends you've lost.
We hear this alot...that " God will never give us more than we can handle"...I do believe that...still it's hard isn't it? But we get through it...because we have our faith and strong friends to lean on.
Thanks for sharing the video/song...
while it was playing I sat watching the rain pour down outside...and thought about how precious this life blessed I quickly it can change...thankful that I've found you here in blogland to remind me of those things on this rainy day.
Tammy :-)

Debby said...

Wonderful, heartfelt words. Such a sad time with so much loss. I love the song, I Can Only Imagine by Mercy me. It helps me process when someone goes to see the Lord.

Debby said...

Wonderful, heartfelt words. Such a sad time with so much loss. I love the song, I Can Only Imagine by Mercy me. It helps me process when someone goes to see the Lord.

Alison said...

Sometimes life is harder than it should be. I am so sorry for the losses you are enduring right now, and that your friends are also enduring. May the Lord fill up those painful places with His comfort and peace.

Sherry S. said...

Paige, I am holding your heart and your hand in my prayers. May God bless you, the friends you've mentioned, and fill your hearts with the Peace that comes only from Him. These are not easy times, but are made easier by allowing friends to share the load.

Shannon said...

Just horrible Paige, you and those families will be in my heart and I will pray for them and you to get through these hard times. Hoping your week gets better!

Kelli said...

I can see how heavy your heart is and journaling it is important. My heart and prayers goes out to you, your family and those who are like family to you.

Just Ask Beth said...

May peace find it's way to your heart and to those precious families...

allie said...

Paige, my friend, Jill (from Forever Cottage) "introduced" me to your blog and I have really enjoyed reading it. I am a mom of 3 young children. I lost my husband to cancer almost two years ago. He was 35 years old. As the anniversary of his death draws near once again, I can't help but feel heavy hearted. Thank you for your post today. Life is not always hearts and roses, but these are the events that make us "feel" and appreciate life and form closer bonds. I am still deep in the process and struggle daily to raise my children without their daddy and without my partner. You are an inspiration that life does go on and there are things to look forward to. I am optimistic. I am so sorry for your loses in the last week.

Heather said...

I am so very sorry. I will pray for you.

Teresa said...

Sweet Paige.
I am speechless.
Oh how heavy your hearts must be.
Such reminders.
Life is so fragile.
Thank you for sharing these raw emotions...and in the process....lifting others to the awareness of how quick we can be gone.
My mother always says...
if we as humans...really...and I mean REALLY could GRASP what HEAVEN really is...we would be wishing one another to leave as quick as possible.
One day we all shall know.
And I'm sure we will wonder...why we didn't just rejoice more when precious lives moved from here to there.
Sending you so much love today.
Take the time you need.
Thank you for what you have done for me today.
I shall take it with me.

Christina said...

I am here, reading each word, my friend. He never leaves our side...
and prayers.

Prudence said...

I am so sorry you are going through this and your friends are suffering such loss! I was struck by life going on too, when my mom died. I wanted to stop a stranger and shout and say, HEY, life cannot go on, my mom just died!!! But it does. Praying for peace for you and your loved ones.

Courtney Walsh said...

I have no idea why, but when I read that your sweet friend lost her husband, in the wake of these other two too-young deaths, I just sort of lost it.

paige, i am so so sorry and I think doubly sorry that this kind of thing forces you to relive a pain from years gone by. i am praying for you today and the sweet loved ones who are grieving lives lost.

Jboo said...

Oh Paige -- I am so very sorry -- such huge losses for so many. My heart breaks for the families and friends. Keeping all in my prayers.


The Graves said...

It is difficult sometimes to watch life go on around you when you are in such a state of grief. The cousin I mentioned before with a recent post of yours died on 9/29/01 after suffering a head injury in a car accident. He had just sang in his sister's wedding that very summer before! At the time I couldn't imagine anything bad happening after our nation witnessed the terrorist attack on 9/11... just days before. You know how we always said at work that the bad things came in three's? I believe that God does that on purpose so the people that we love will be arriving in heaven at the same time... kind of cool to think of them meeting for the first time! I will be praying for you as you grieve these losses!

Anne Marie said...

dear sad...and so true about driving past people's homes -
so true - to know our freedom and peace is not of this world - but with Him...we are here to help support each other..through Him

be strong Paige...and know that you are doing all you can do right now (very heartfelt dear friend)

Between You and Me said...

beautiful words written from your heart...praying for you today and for your friends as they battle the losses.

Kiersten Johnson said...

WOW!!!!! I am so sorry to hear all that you have been going through. Easter morning 2010 I lost my grandfather who I cared for for the last 2 years. I did everything for him (bath, feed, take to the bathroom and so much more!) It is hard when we lose those that we love. You will continue to be in my prayers!

Jackie said...

Praying for you. I don't have any other words of comfort. I feel the pain, void & heartache. Your post brings it all home to me with the loss of my brother.
I'm sending you hugs from Indiana.
(although I'm in TN this week) :-)

Lissa said...

I'm so sorry you've been going through this tough time! I love that song though. It's perfect for this post.

Damaris said...

I am sending you this ((BIG HUG)) I am so touched by your post. XXOO, Damaris

Victoria@Whimsy by Victoria said...

Paige...words can not say enough of how very sorry I am. I do understand this all too beautiful neighbor friend just lost her husband a month ago...out of the blue...from an aneurysm. When I got the news it just didn't seem real or fair...he left not only an amazing wife, but 3 young boys who loved their dad so very much. He was an amazing man who lived his life in a great way. I pray every day and night...asking God what I can do to help them get through this diffictult time. The one thing that always gets me through in this will be worth it in the end. I again am so sorry...I am sending you lots of hugs and love with many prayers for all your loved ones that are hurting at this time.


Anonymous said...

I have never heard that song before. It's beautiful. Thanks for sharing.....everything. Take care....Michelle from Canada

A said...

WOW what a post. I've been reading your blog for about a year now and so admire your morals and beliefs and the way you raise your beautiful family. I hope it's okay, but I copied and pasted some of your words to a friend of mine whose sons girlfriend and parents died last Sunday morning in a freak carbon monozide poisoning accident. It has shaken that family to no end. Thanks for your words and your blog. I admire you so...

Amy in Alabama

Suzanne said...

Dear, Sweet Paige,
If life were as I would like it every moment, I would be right there to give you a hug and tell you that you are a precious friend and that you are always eloquent, even when writing in such pain. My heart breaks for your friends and the loved ones they have lost. I know you are and will continue to be a blessing to them.

I pray they feel God's arms wrapped around them. It's never easy though, even when well-intentioned friends remind them that their loved one is in a "better Place". Yes, definitely. But oh, how we miss them! And it somehow seems both comforting and yet sad that the routines of life just keep on going through these moment.

Well, now I am rambling. But I'm so happy I made it home in time to see this post. I will keep all of you in my prayers.

Raining Pearls said...

Keeping you in my prayers. Even though we know that your precious loved ones are in a much better place than we are loss is never easy. My heart is heavy knowing all you have been through recently. I'm so glad you are able to share what you are feeling. After reading this post it makes a fight I'm in with a loved one seem small and I'm going to call him right now. Life is too precious and short, thanks for the reminder.
Hugs to you sweet friend.

Teresa said...

You won't believe this.
Today...after I had read your sad post...I was on the phone with my sister from Montgomery.
We were talking about how short life is.
She mentioned about this sweet sweet man who had been working on something across the street from where they live.
She knew his name.
She told my that his 17 year old daughter had been killed returning home from the Auburn game Sat. night.
I instantly thought of your Virginia.
I just popped back over to check.
This has got to be the same beautiful girl that my sister told me about.
Do your sweet friends live in Montgomery?
Can you believe what a SMALL world this really is.
Love to you and hugs.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with those you love as they grieve the loss of their dear ones. May you provide comfort, peace and hope... Destiny

LuLu said...

Piage, I am so very sorry for all the pain and suffering you and your friends are facing. Life brings such challenges that we think will break us and somehow with deep faith and love get us through unimagineable sadness. My prayers are with everyone.

Stephanie said...

Just happened upon your blog today--it must have been the Lord who led me to it. It's coming up on 6 yrs in Oct since our youngest daughter, then 19, went to Heaven suddenly, unexpectedly. She had (and has even more now) such a pure heart for God. I was so touched by your musings. I identified with your words, thoughts, feelings. Thank you for the encouragement through the music. I hadn't heard that before. Blessings to you.

Jen Kershner said...

Hi sweet friend. I'm just beyond knowing what to say. I'm very sorry for all that you and those around you have been through lately. These are shocking reminders to embrace each day because we never know. I know your friendship is a comfort to so many.

Debra said...

Oh Paige, I am sorry to hear about your friend's husband. You are a strong woman. Thinking you you...

Jodee Leader said...

I am so sorry for your losses. Sending big hugs and prayers your way.

Martha said...

Paige you have got to be one of the strongest people I know...I am so sorry for your losses and all the tears and sadness for everyone.
hugs to you!

Tracey said...

You've got me crying once again Paige. I'm so very, very sorry that there is so much sadness and grief in your life right now. Watching friends suffer over a lost one is incredibly difficult and you are just the sort of amazingly loving friend that would take that pain and sadness upon yourself. Many prayers for you and all of those in your life that can really use them right now...

Big hugs ~


Jennifer said...

Big hugs to you and your family. Gods grace will carry you through.

Curtis said...

Paige I am so sorry for all of the loss you have had in the last few weeks. Just know that God in his infinite wisdom does indeed have a plan, and even though right now it seems so dark and dreary there will come a day when the Son will shine again. You are in our hearts and prayers. I for one am so glad that you share your life with all of us, the good, the fun, the wonderful and the heart aching sorrow. Thank you for opening up your life to us your blogging friends.....
Blessings to you and yours in this great time of need....
Curtis & Sherrie

sandra lee said...

I lost my dad to a broken heart a year and a half mom had passed on quickly two weeks prior. It was all so fast and yet the thought of them together in heaven brings comfort to me. Today would have been my dads 80th birthday and I still cry and I cherish the sweet memories that I hold close to my heart. I know God knew the timing of my precious parents to join him but it still hurts and I agree with you that sometimes all we can do is hold someone close and just let them know that we are there. Lovely blog and I so enjoy your beautiful photos, your family is precious!

Anne - Fiona and Twig said...

Paige, my heart truly aches for you right now. I am comforted that you have your faith and the promises of Christ to get you through right many don't have that hope that we share.

Still, it is so painful, and I know that this re-opens so many old wounds for you.

Love and many prayers for you, my friend.


Morning T said...

I am overwhelmed with your post Paige and my heart goes out to you all.
Hugs to you~

3 Peanuts said...

Oh sweet Paige...I am sure your heart is breaking and I know the other people you love are hurting so much. I cannot say anything but I can pray for all of these people and your family. And I will.


Jerri said...

Aww so when it rains its pours on the just and the unjust...a season of joy and a season of weeping! Plan B is exactly what you need to be reading right now! I couldn't put it needed the words and ecouragment which I hope you find there too my sweet friend! Can't wait to see you soon!!
~Prayers & hugs!~

Privet and Holly said...

Paige, I just
left a comment
on your current
post and then
realized I'd missed
this one. Every
word you wrote is
so true. Sometimes
you wonder how life
can go on in these
shattering circumstances.
You are such a good
friend and I'm certain,
a great comfort to all
of these women. Big
hugs and blessings to
you, today.
xx Suzanne

LLH Designs said...

What a beautiful song. I'm so behind and am seeking this after many "perky" posts, but I love this one every bit as much as the others.

I had a blog comment recently that made my heart sad...from someone who doesn't think God is in the details...who thinks He has more "important divinations." He is absolutely in the details. Even the hard to understand ones. He is with us. I am thankful to know this Jesus and the God. And thankful for people Iike you who are living your faith out loud...even in the hard times.

Much love,