Wednesday, October 13, 2010

lessons learned at the old rock gym & psalm 37

when i was a little girl
my dad always helped coach whatever sport my brother & i were playing

i remember one game where someone heckled my dad
of course i don't remember who it was or even what was said
i just remember i could have spit nails
how dare someone say something rude & critical towards my dad
who incidentally walked on water
i think i stood up & yelled something profane
come to think of it,  i'm quite certain i stood up and told the bad guy to shut up
maturity at its finest

i probably got in trouble
i don't remember that part

as the lord would have it
i would grow up to be a coach's wife
& my affinity for rooting for the under-dog
aka-quiet men who don't over react or heckle the hecklers
would be challenged even more so than that day back in the 70's
at the old rock gym in stone mountain georgia

years ago my hubby
another water walker
was treated poorly & wrongly by the company he worked for at the time
he stood strong, turned the other cheek
quietly finished his job
& walked away
(actually
the way i see it..he walked away from the bad guys  & off into the sunset of our current much happier ending
but i'll try to spare you the dramatic embellishment)

he walked away
without arguing
without playing ugly
the same way my dad did 30 years ago at the old rock gym in stone mountain georgia

both are men of godly character
good, honest,dignified
 both with a servant humble spirit
both treated wrongly
neither of which are known for a bad argumentative attitude

now that i'm a well-behaved mom of four
all of which are watching my parenting behavior
i surely won't be standing up yelling profanities at the bad guys
for crying out loud

so when my hubby was treated wrongly
i chose to do as i had seen modeled by two men i greatly respect
i chose to walk away
channel my frustration & disappointment somewhere else
& move on



so
this week i'm experiencing something for the first time
& i'm conflicted on what to do
do i walk off into the happy sunset of peace & quiet
or do i stand bravely in my new toms & as john mayer would croon
say what i need to say

one of my girls is bearing the brunt of some mean girl behavior
really mean girl behavior


the funny thing is
i told one of my other daughters about this current injustice
& low and behold
she responded like someone i know once did back at the old rock gym in stone mountain georgia
i was all like let's fist bump baby girl & go whoop some mean girl bootie...
maturity at its finest once again

what i honestly did
after spitting the proverbial nails of course
was explain to my wrongly treated daughter how her daddy responded years ago
when he was treated ugly
how he chose the high road
( which was easier than sharing the low road occupied by my feisty grumbling self)
& moved on

i tried to encourage her to do what i'm not sure i would have done at her age
turn the other cheek
hold her head up
don't play ugly
& just move on

i'm so proud of her
she's doing just that
&
she came downstairs yesterday and said "mama, i really want to try to read my bible everyday. so i just so happened to open up & find the perfect scripture.    and it's all gonna be okay"
dang
you go girl!


meanwhile
i'm going to go read that same scripture
 write it on my chalkboard ( and my heart)
& this girl might just be spending time back at the old rock gym in stone mountain georgia
channeling my frustration in a more productive place
kickboxing anyone?

(& because our beach images make me happy, i'm rolling out a few i don't think i shared earlier this summer)

peace











ps
here is the scripture she found
paraphrased a bit from the new living translation

psalm 37

Don’t worry about the wicked
      or envy those who do wrong
Trust in the Lord and do good.
      Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
  Take delight in the Lord,
      and he will give you your heart’s desires
      Commit everything you do to the Lord.
      Trust him, and he will help you.
  He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
      and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun

42 comments:

Tammy said...

I love that passage...something I needed to be reminded of today...Thanks!
Sorry your girl is going through all that...sounds like she is truly on the right track...way to go Mom!
Have a great day!
Tammy :-)

Ashley Eiler said...

oooh girl...i would love to whoop some tail too..but agree...hmmm...wishing that was what scripture said sometimes- good mama fo' sure...
xo

goddessof4 said...

Your girls are so beautiful!!!!! It is hard to watch someone being mean to your children!!!!! I know when I was younger girls were mean to me but in the end I think it made me stronger. I chose to let it go.Thank you for sharing!!!!! Sara

traci said...

beautiful paige. i think i need to take lessons from your family. i usually walk away, because i don't like confrontation, but i am muttering things under my breath the whole time.

hugs and prayers to your daughter. she'll be fine and better for it. what great girls you have.

Jboo said...

So hard to turn the other cheek when someone is treating your kiddos poorly!!! Makes the Mama Bear come out!

What a beautiful scripture! Thanks to your sweet girl and you for sharing it.

janet

Big Mama said...

See? This is why I read you everyday!

Got the dress yesterday. It's perfect!

Little Blue House said...

it was only 10+ years ago that i was in the same place as your daughter and my mom in your shoes. she told me the exact same thing as you told your daughter. she also added in to pray for this "mean girl." all ended well, and i ended up being the bigger person. i am now expecting my first child and i just pray that i can give my children the same godly wisdom and advice that you give your daughters and my mom still gives me. thanks for sharing!

Kelli said...

What an encouragement!!! It is so hard to keep Mama Bear restrained and be strong and full of grace. That is a beautiful lesson you are teaching your girls. I love that she said she wants to read her Bible everyday! Thanks for the verse, as always :)

Debby said...

It is so hard to handle things when your loved ones are being hurt. I think your daughter made a good choice. I hope that helps here through this time. You should be proud.

sugar said...

I love that scripture. I have been in that situation that your daughter is in. It is a living nightmare. Its an experience she will carry with her, so how its handled will make a strong impression on her and affect how she handles conflict in the future. It can make you want to run the other way and avoid the offenders. I will be praying for her to stand strong and turn the other cheek, but not run away. Its just awful isn't it? When they get old enough we can't make everything o.k. for them. Your support at this time and your example are so important for her. She will come through this stronger than she was before it.

Leslie said...

As hard as it is, I know it is always best to take the high road, my favorite motto is "kill'em with kindness". Bless your daughter's heart, people can be so hurtful, that passage is perfect and I will have to keep that one for reference. I can see me needing it in the future. It is so hard to sit back and watch our loved ones being judged, I hate that feeling!!!
I am sure you give her lots of love at home and she has her little haven of peace and comfort when she is there! Tell her we all love her!!!

Between You and Me said...

yeah. I'm married to one of the ones that walks away.
..he does it so well.
ME...yeah, not so much.

this is one of those challenging posts.

it's best to walk away... and darn if you didn't give us a scripture to back it up.

Hillcrest Acres said...

Oh Paige, this post really touched my heart. It brought tears to my eyes. It's exactly what I needed to read.

My daughter is facing a mean girl, a really mean girl too. She's stood up to this girl many times when she was purposely treating others badly. Now my daughter is the target. The mean girl has turned my daughter's friends away. She's had to endure this for over a month now.

Yesterday it all came tumbling down. My daughter crumbled when she got home. She's had enough. She was beaten down. Insecurities are creeping in. She's questioning so many things.

In her anguish, she told me she doesn't want anymore advice from me because I've been wrong.

My heart was breaking. I've never felt so helpless. I wanted to embrace her and hold on forever, to protect her. Inside I was boiling mad thinking who treats others this way. Who raises children to be so mean?!!! This is a religious school my daughter attends and I wanted to rush in and remind them all of the "Golden Rule" and of their beliefs.

My advice has been like yours...hold your head up and turn the other cheek and it will eventually go away.

If you don't mind, I'm going to print your post and leave it on her bed. Reading this has brought comfort and the Psalm 37 reminded me of what I believe in. I hope that it will bring comfort and wisdom to her without me "giving more advice".

Thank you so much for sharing. You and your daughter are in my thoughts and am wishing you both the best.

vintage girl at heart said...

Amen!

My Vintage Studio said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Just Ask Beth said...

it is so hard sometimes isn't it.. but we must teach them to turn the other cheek or we are encouraging the same mean behavior!! Love this post. Is it me, or are girls really mean these days. I mean they will flat shut someone out!! You are a darling mom!!

Shannon said...

What a wonderful mom you are. I'm sure it is hard to hear somebody is being mean to one of your babies. Does this "mean girl" know how many sisters your girl has??? She better be careful ;)
Love the scripture, great message!

Suzanne said...

Okay Paige, I'm right there with you...again. I need to read that passage...over and over...because while I try to teach my girls to take the high road/turn the other cheek, I am FIGHTING MAD! The angry mother hen comes out for sure.

We have gone through the mean girl behavior and it is SO hurtful. Bless your sweet girl's heart for being so completely open to forgiveness.

And by the way, we never ever get tired of looking at your pics:)

Deborah said...

What a great passage. It always amazes me that girls (that age) can be so mean. I am so sorry your daughter has to go through this at such a tender time in her life. She sounds like she will be just fine.

I'll be sure to pass along the passage to my husband. He is going through the same kind of situation that your husband went through. As always, I enjoy your words of wisdom.

Johnson Party of seven! said...

Pagie- I love you so much! You have no idea! My sweet girl is having a HORRIBLE time with a mean girl this year. We cry together every night. I give her the pep talk every morning to get her ready to face it again. Other parents at school have noticed the mean girl's behavior and called me because they were so sad for my sweet girl. I have wrestled with what to do.sigh. Growing up is so hard. I am so sorry that your sweetie is experiencing this. You have done such a great job with your girls. I am in complete awe. YOU are amazing. I think I know what to do now. I just love you!
Praying for all the mean girls. Praying for all their mamas to see somehow what is going on. Praying for all the sweet girls. Praying for all their mamas to say the right thing to them.
Jill

Nanette said...

Paige, you do not know me - I can't even remember how I found your blog - but I check in now and then and find your writing inspirational! That scripture was so helpful to me today - thanks!

Jill said...

Oh Paige, my big girl went through some difficult mean girl behavior last year (in 5th grade!) and boy did my momma bear claws come out. I did march myself into the principal's office and certainly talked to my big girl about "taking the high road". I loved the scripture - you certainly have one mature little girlie on your hands....but oh, as a momma isn't it just so heartbreaking?
xo~Jill

Kasey said...

I'm good at walking away;-)
i'll call you as soon as fin steps his butt on the bus.
xo

Privet and Holly said...

I'm growling
{and she's yours
not mine} but I
remember what
girls can be like
and it just floors
me that we can send
a man to the moon
but kids today are
STILL dealing with
this $#!%. Sounds
like your sweet pea
is handling it very
well....as is her
mama. Loved the
Stone Mtn. memories!
xx Suzanne

Martha said...

Hugs to your sweet girl...beautiful pictures...and I think you are doing the right thing...I usually like to walk away but I will admit sometimes I just say what I need to say as you mentioned all the while wishing I wouldn't have...I think you are teaching them beautifully with your actions...Love the scripture:)

Christina said...

oh that is some good mama advice, for your girl. unfortunately my daughter is going through the same thing. wow, this is so sad to see our girls going through this. it got really bad for my daughter... so we got on our knees and we prayed for this girl, who is as mean as a rattle snake to my kid. we prayed and prayed hard. there has to be some terrible things going on in this girls life to treat my daughter this way. im guessing the same about the girl who is so awful to your daughter.
love to you all, my friend.
XO

slip4 said...

What a lovely post. Thanks for sharing it today. I have written Psalm 37 on my heart for future reference! You rock, mama!

Shaz said...

It is hard when someone you love is being treated so badly. My dear dad was the same and so is my husband when it comes to quietly walking away. Some people view it as weak - but we definitely know better don't we. Lovely post - thank you and keep up the wonderful, thoughtful and loving parenting, you are doing a great job.

Missy said...

I, unfortunately, react before I think. I am proud of you for teaching your sweet girl the right thing to do, because in the end, she will prevail. I will say a special prayer for her, because well, mean girls stink! I think it is an epidemic that truly is so painful to go through. I hope and pray your sweetie holds her head up high and shows all girls how to react if they are in that place. You are an excellent role model and I admire you. I needed to read that scripture tonight. Thanks friend!

Debra said...

Thanks Paige. I needed to read that passage today.

I think if more of us turned the other cheek and walked away we'd all be better off. It stinks to see other kids treat ours poorly but you're teaching them a good lesson. :)

Alecia said...

Awww...I love how sweetly the Lord spoke to His sweet daughter...and her ability to really hear Him! What beautiful and godly examples she has in her life...I'll say a prayer for her and the mean girls...who knows what's goin' on in their hearts and lives that would cause them to act that way.

Love the pics...especially the cute little foot pop! ;-)

Susan said...

Okay...just a little random nothingness here, but I was just noticing that your family all have amazing legs. I know I'm a wierdo. Seriously...even Dan. Just look at the muscles on those legs of yours. No wonder Miss C is always on those toes. Great gams run in the family.
I know all too well about dealing with teen issues as you well know and I wish I could say our problem has been solved.
Life is so much more complicated for our children today then it was for us. I'm not saying that we had easy, perfect and uncomplicated lives (I sure didn't), but with technology and society and the pressures that our kids face at such an early age now, it is even more important than ever to instill a close relationship with our Lord in them at an early age. It is what kept me from going completely astray when I was a teen. I made mistakes, but always came back to what I knew was right and never strayed out of arms reach from my Savior.
Have you ever heard that quote that says...."Train up a child in the way they shall go and they will not depart from it"? I believe in that. I'm not saying there won't be trials along the way, but I really believe in that quote.
Love and hugs to you my friend.

Kristin said...

That was beautiful....You know I wanted to kick some pretty girly bootie too. You mess with my peeps...I turn pitbull. I am proud of your daughter. I am proud actually of each one, but in this circumstance as I listened, I learned something from your daughter and grew in my soul as a person in how she handled herself with maturity and grace. And well with a bible verse that we all need written on our hearts and actions in our lives. And all God's children said a gentle, AMEN!

Anne - Fiona and Twig said...

Walking away is so hard.
Taking the high road is so hard.
At least it is for me, especially when someone you love is being hurt, and all you want to do is just open a can of whoop ass on the perpetrators.

I'm praying for you and your sweet family, Paige!

XO,
Anne

Jacki said...

Paige, this is gotta be really difficult to discern exactly how to respond to the teenager stuff your daughter is encountering. And we think-scriptures gotta cut through even this and be applicable. I hope it helps that people are praying for your situation. And that you will gain all the wisdom that seems fit for even this situation.

Jen said...

I come back to your blog often. Such wonderful honesty about being a mom, and yet packed full of Godly wisdom. Truly inspirational!

Tonia Hobbs said...

I happened upon your blog tonight from another blog. Perfect timing. Perfect timing. Your post is just what I needed to read. I have a little boy going through some pretty tough stuff at school.
God works in mysterious ways. . .

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

Paige...So sorry your sweetie is having a hard time with mean girls! But so proud of you that you are raising her right! Keep up the good work Mom...even though your inclination is to go bust some bootie!!!

Fist bump to you!!

LLH Designs said...

Thank you for your sweet comment and encouragement. Abundant life is worth fighting for!

Your blog is always such a refreshingly honest place to visit, and this post is no exception.

Happy Friday, Paige!
Xo,
Linsey

Simone said...

What a great post Paige....very interesting.

Mean girls are the worst....I imagine with four daughters you must have seen all kinds of behaviour. It is a tricky one to deal with but you sound as though you are setting a great example to your girls, hard though that is sometimes.....I would want to smack those mean girls' behinds too ;)

Gorgeous photos - you just glow, all of you :) xx

Anonymous said...

Your daughter will be okay because of all the love around her, BUT sometimes teasing, or mean girl behaviour NEEDS to be bitten in the butt! I think that sometimes you shouldn't walk away. This stuff can be serious! I think parents need to be contacted, school needs to be contacted. A meeting needs to be set up with the mean girl/s if necessary. All with dignity of course (you wouldn't do it any other way) but I do strongly feel that SOMETIMES our children need to know that some things should NOT just be walked away with held high. Sometimes some righteous indignation and even a little confrontation (in a calm headed way) is in order.

I wish someone had protected me in that way when I was a teen. The letting it go, well, I could only do it for so long. IT HURT.

nonnie said...

Sometimes our children can just amaze us, can't they?
I love your blog, your pics, and your honesty!

Thanks for a reminder to 'let go and let God'!

nonnie