i don't really know where to start

i can't really come up with a good title

this morning i am just heart broken

i'm sorry if you're new to my blog

i don't always talk about such heavy things

but this is life right now

last tuesday evening i received the call that my precious friend's daughter

had been killed in an accident

i was just about to head downstairs to watch glee for the first time

with my own teenagers

mindless tv that i virtually never watch

but wanted to hang out & enjoy what my girls enjoyed

i stood at the window

cell phone in hand talking to a lifelong bff

a mother herself, who had buried her own child years ago

while we discussed virginia's death

viriginia & my savannah...born only months apart

as i looked out the window, savannah was pulling in the driveway

just another reminder that life continues...that life doesn't stop for all when it stops for one

that fact always blows me away

tuesday

that very same day

another young girl lost her battle with cancer

14 year old daniela went to be with lord

she was one of my daughter , madison's best friends

i went to a funeral on wednesday

my daughter went to a funeral on saturday

monday morning i headed over to visit my precious friend sandra
sandra & i have been friends for over 20 years

my hubby taught her daughter in elementary school

that very daughter, now 27, stood before me monday & took my breath away

she could be ms america. seriously.

sandra's husband mike was upstairs

battling cancer

diagnosed only 10 weeks ago

sandra was there for me when gregg died

sitting in her gloriously decorated home monday

i feared the tables were turning

that she would soon be where i was 15 years ago

we talked about how our big strong healthy men

mike & gregg

battled such a horrific disease

the injustice of it all

she remembered moments in gregg's last days that i had actually forgotten

your mind compartmentalizes sadness that's beyond understanding

in ways we can't comprehend

i prayed that she would remember the health & vigor of her sweet mike

not the mike whose body was ridden with cancer

we talked about fear

we talked about telling our daughters that their daddies were dying

both sandra & her daughter lauren look like Ms Universe

gorgeous women

strong women

their home should be in a magazine

as i pulled out of the driveway on a gorgeous fall day

i realized that a passerby would never imagine the grief inside that georgian home

this morning

at 3 am

mike passed on from this life......

while we know

that all these precious loved ones

are healthy & whole today in heaven

their bodies perfect

no broken bones or cancer

the "they're in a better place" is obvious

& while knowing that does bring peace

life goes on today

the birds are still chirping outside my window

there is traffic on all the highways in atlanta

koda & kathy lee are still going to be chatting on the today show...for crying out loud

but the immeasurable heartache of those left behind

will not soon end

sometimes having nothing to say

is ok

just holding that person & telling them they are loved is all you can do

&

that's where i am today

wanting to encourage so many

remind them that they have a god who sees every tear

& who heard every prayer

every single prayer

& that there is hope

hope in knowing we were not meant for this world

hope in knowing that they will see their loved ones

again

i've mumbled & rambled

i apologize for the lack of eloquence

but i want to share the following song

i realize i shared it months ago

but as i ran yesterday & tried to process all the pain of my friends

i listened to this song of hope

i lose it every time at the bridge around min 2.47

i go to two churches

one is lead in worship by chris tomlin

here he is, probably being filmed at our church

there's a day that's drawing near

when this darkness breaks to light

& the shadows disappear

& my faith shall my eyes

Jesus has overcome

& the grave is overwhelmed

the victory is won

he is risen from the dead

& i will rise when he calls my name

no more sorrow

no more pain

i will rise

her senior homecoming

what a super fun weekend!

savannah & bailey have been besties for several years

bailey is precious to me

i have considered it an honor to watch her grow into a beautiful young woman

who's love for the Lord continues to bloom

i am so proud of her

( & she's just been accepted to Ole Miss!!)

i have files of photos of these two from various occasions

but saturday i captured what are certainly my most favorite pictures of them

ever

we had a little bit of time before the boys arrived

to get some gorgeous shots

i've said it hundreds of times

but i'm so proud of this child of mine

 the obligatory "we're so mad ya'll are late shot"...ha!

this is savannah's other "best friend"

trevor is such a great guy

one of the things i've tried to encourage my girls to do

is hold off on the 'boyfriend' thing

to not find themselves in a committed relationship at such a young age

blah blah blah

anyway...i couldn't be prouder of savannah's choice

she held off on the boyfriend gig until a few months ago

& he's a winner

they had a fantastic evening

making memories

they will never forget

 

i want to share just a tiny bit about trevor's family~

this weekend in atlanta the weather was glorious

a far cry from a year ago

trevor's home was devestated in the floods that ravaged atlanta almost a year ago to date

at one point, their home was under 15--FIFTEEN--feet of water

this family is amazing

actually....that word doesn't even begin to touch the character of his parents

trevor is one of two biological children in a home that also has 8 children adopted from russia

his mom is one of the world's top researchers

on the relationship of HIV/aids and a host of issues facing orphans

after the devastating loss of their young son years ago

the hillis family began their adoption process

honestly, i've never known a family like trevor's

while they are still battling insurance issues on their home

they currently are in a rental home in our area

if you have a few minutes

i'd love for you to see their application

to extreme home make over

i think you'll be inspired by this precious amazing family

Hillis Family - Flood Video from Matt Gibson on Vimeo.

me.... on a wednesday

this past wednesday i was mentally exhausted from all the emotions

surrounding virginia's funeral

i was tired of sitting in a car all day

& listening to my thoughts knock around inside my head

but i knew that evening there was only one place i wanted to be

our church has an AMAZING program for the middle schoolers

LUG

it stands for living under grace

the purpose is to teach our kids about the amazing love

our heavenly father has for them

make sure they have nailed down in their hearts

at such a pivotal age

that we have a holy god

who is full of grace

& is wildly crazy about each of them

somewhere between 800 and 1000 kids meet up every wednesday night

eight hundred to one thousand

seriously

hilarious skits

amazing teaching

worship music that would blow your mind

& sweet sweet small group time

during group time the highschoolers teach the middle schoolers

pouring back into the next generation what they've been taught

beautiful!

i am privileged to be the adult facilitator for the group savannah leads

most weeks i sit and listen to them

i usually get all choked up

i'm so proud of these girls

wednesday night they spontaneously began encouraging each other

every one of them

picked out a character quality about another that meant something to them

over a dozen 13 year old girls loving on each other

priceless

when we come back together

all 800-1000 of us

we worship

talk about worship

these kids love the lord unashamedly & with a pure devotion

part of me felt guilty that night

sitting with my daughter

while my friend had buried hers just hours before

but during worship that night

while all 800 to 1000 of us worshiped

i knew viriginia

was

doing

  the

very

same

thing.....

virginia

the call came late last night~

one of my girlfriends from years ago

had lost her daughter  in a car accident saturday night

she was on her way home from the auburn clemson game

they say she died instantly

virginia was only17 years old

ginger

or gengah as her mama would pronounce

and i met at the same church 20something years ago

the very place where i met both dan & gregg

she was a confident strawberry blonde auburn alum

who loved the Lord with all her heart

she inspired me to be a better person

we both fell in love with our fellas and got married around the same time

she moved back to montgomery

i stayed here in atlanta

her baby girl virginia was born only a few months after savannah

for 17 years i have eagerly awaited each christmas card

i've loved watching that beautiful baby girl

grow into one of the most gorgeous young women i've ever seen

virginia.... took your breath away

this morning i drove to alabama

part of me wondered if this was all a mistake

surely this was not reality

as i drove i began to think of my precious friend ginger

how had she found out?

what had the last 48 hours been like for her?

my friend was going to bury her baby girl today....

i couldn't wrap my mind around this

i just couldn't

i walked into the church

which overflowed capacity

i stood in the line to greet "the family"

the line was so long

i knew there wasn't going to be time to see my friend

to let her know i loved her

to let her know i was so so very sorry

i texted my hubby

& told him i was about to break an unwritten funeral rule

i was going to cut in line

yes ma'am

i got out of my place & began walking across the room

as soon as i saw ginger

my heart realized it was true....her baby girl was gone

it was no mistake

she was speaking to some younger girls

she looked up & we made eye contact

she began to cry

i fell apart

period

so much for a support

she mumbled things like i'm so sorry i didn't call personally, i can't believe you drove, can you join us for lunch

i was speechless

i tried to tell her i loved her

virginia had a precious relationship with Jesus

she encouraged her friends

she spent time in the word

she loved others with a christ-like heart

a young woman who lived intentionally

oh how i hope the same may be said of me

on the drive home i spent some time on the phone with one of my best life long friends

jami

jami gave birth to a baby boy named levi the week gregg died

levi was diagnosed with a brain tumor the week i gave birth to caroline

levi was diagnosed on the very hospital ward i had worked for years

my life long dear friend

buried her baby boy only a few years after i buried my husband

ginger, jami & i

we know where they are

& we know we will see them again one day

but for today & for quite some time

my heart hurts for my friend, ginger

In Christ, there are no goodbyes

And in Christ, there is no end

So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have

To see you again

 

a fresh mindset

 i want to share something with you

something i'm a little iffy on whether i should or shouldn't
i don't want to be misunderstood
i don't want to come off the exact opposite of where my heart is

my prayer isn't that i'm heard as preachy & certainly not braggy
but i want to share how the lord has taken me to a new place
not only a place i never thought i'd be
but a place i didn't necessarily even want to be
a fresh mindset if you will

let me roll it out for you

i am terrible with money
i can't even utter the word budget without rolling my eyes
i'm an accountant's worst nightmare
i have poor impulse control
and
i
love
to
shop

cocktail for financial disaster right?



for years i did just that
i bought , for the most part , whatever i liked
who cares if i didn't have a place for it
i'd find one



my home was a manic cluttered crowded space
the clutter & all the 'must have it now' items ruled my life
these things must
after their "place" is found
be dusted
moved
and of course
dusted again

things everywhere
& the things are what started to make me nervous


i fell into the credit card trap
which snowballs in a heartbeat
 what's another 100bucks at tjmaxx when my balance is a few thousand

brilliant
i know



well
thank the lord my hubby is NOT anything like me
in more ways than just financially :)



while credit card debt didn't bother me
i mean we all have it
its just part of life
right?
it bothered him

about a year ago
we began to  make some changes
some choices, plans , decisions for not only our future
but the future of our children

i'm not going into details
what's my conviction surely doesn't need to be yours
what's a sacrifice & big deal for me
has no reason to be a biggie for you


but i realized i , just me, not him
i was teaching my girls
buy what you want
pay for it later
a terrible destructive mindset
the legacy of debt is really not what i want them to inherit
yet my lifestyle proved otherwise



several months ago
we became
for the first time in my adult life
debt
free



except for our mortgage
we owe
no one

zero zip zilcho


i don't tell you that to give myself or dan any praise
the lord took a pathetic excuse poor spender
and helped me renew my mind
as much as i'd love to...i quit killing time at target and anthro
i don't carry a credit card with me
actually i memyselfandi do not even have a credit card

i try to only purchase something
that i know already where it will go
or if i even have room for it
if i wait to think
come back & its gone
honestly, that's just fine


dont' get me wrong
money burns a hole in my pocket
i can spend some cold hard cash in anthro or restoration hardware with the best of 'em
& what's a target run without dropping a hundred bucks anyway?
seriously


there have been times in my life
where debt
was the only way to survive
i've been a widow, jobless and broke
i understand

so please dont see me as a financial wizard
trust me...my credit score & my sweet man will give you a resounding bwahaha on that one

but the freedom
at night of knowing
that my sweet man isn't stressed over a visa or pottery barn bill
is priceless
who knew?

i would love to showcase a home with hardwoods on the main
concrete countertops
& nickel hardware
tolix chairs around a weathered farm table
(red OR silver if you must know)

its a hard line for me to walk
that of contentment
sometimes a painful walk if i'm honest



i love nothing more
i mean
nothing more
than spending time in my home
its not my dream home
but its my home
& my desire
is to cultivate a grateful spirit
while enjoying what i have, being a good steward  & having white furniture
surely this can be done harmoniously , right?

& maybe oneday
my contented debtfree self
will
score a deal on 6 tolix chairs while at it....
wink

fall etsy faves

while its still hitting 90+ degrees here in the south

our morning temps are teasing us that fall is indeed just around the corner

this morning i have the windows open & a little crisp breeze is blowing 

 i've had fun perusing etsy

finding some fall-like treasures

enjoy

~

this little lion hat is so stinking cute

almost makes me wish i had a little one to wear this on halloween!

can you stand it!!!

gigantic cinderella pumpkins

oh how i can't wait to bring a few of you home

love the colors in this image

& her funky fun skirt and tights too

felted acorns....sweetness

my current jewelry crush = leather cuffs

love these handstamped with scripture

very cool

everything in her shop looks fabulous

my personal faves are these

all my girlies are currently smitten with headbands

silk rosettes = perfection

her shop is filled with items that all sound heavenly

lovely images too

italian bergamot & pink grapefruit shea body butter...sigh

in all honesty

i would love every piece in this charming shop

(located in vermont, which i'm certain looks like heaven right now!)

persimmon earrings....charming indeed

super cute melamine plates

gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous

would love for this to be the view from my front door!

alrighty,

 i hope your weekend is beautiful

& filled with all the wonders

of autumn

even if only in the early morning hours

:)