Monday, July 12, 2010

the cartwheel

the 8 days on the beautiful Gulf Coast that i feared might not come to fruition
have come & gone
we're home safe & sound
the beach .....it was perfect


the laundry is done
sand is brushed off the flip flops
boogie boards are back up in the attic
sun tanned skin
hair that's a little more blond than a week ago
thousands of photos taken
a 700 & something page book remains unread
& probably a few pounds gained thanks to all the fantastic food

that first photo, caroline cartwheeling. well she did that....all day. hundreds of cartwheels. such a happy child.

i realized on the way home
( while worrying because my coolant light came on while we were in the middle of no mans land...seriously)
that i need to throw some cartwheels


unfortunately i come with expectations


it's awful...i wish i was a cartwheeling kinda girl
maybe if i lived there, i'd cartwheel freely
but my heart needs those 8 days to be perfect
a time to nourish my soul smack dab in the midst of the other 356 days of the year

i expect white sand & the most crystal clear water
i expect sunny days
i expect memories made with my favorite 5 people in the world
i expect secrets shared and hands held
i expect to be on the beach each night & soak in the breathtaking sunset


i expect no oil spills
& no sad stories about dolphins covered in oil
i expect my camera to work
& the shrimp to taste incredible

i expect my car to run efficiently & have no issues
i expect to shop at my favorite little shops
& for my frozen nonfat vanilla latte to be smooth & perfect

its not too much is it?
8 days of perfection....surely not

but my type A, professional worrier self gets the best of me

i was all knotted up the week before we left
worrying
i had a mini nervous breakdown when i lost the first day of my photos
& while my lap top and camera weren't working
seriously...i lost it

i sat in the bathroom & sobbed
it's a sickness , i realize this
but if it isn't documented and i don't mean on a mobile upload
i'm talking high res jpeg, backed up on my external drive AND my flash
photos
& hundreds of them

moments captured so my heart can remember the giggles
remember what my girls profiles look like as they gaze over the ocean
remember how my handsome man never complains no matter how many photos i take
remember the girl's cute little beach figures, whether 2 years old or 17 years old

but while we were on vacation
i saw more people than i've ever seen before
doing the exact same thing
with their nikons and their canons

& i realized i'm not alone
& i think it's ok
it's ok to have a place where i want time to stand still
i just need to work on that ugly pesky worry part of my personality
& maybe
next year
throw
a
cartwheel











44 comments:

Between You and Me said...

i'm with you on the picture taking and the "losing it" when the stuff i love isn't working.

can we just talk about how darling your bathing suit cover-up is in these pictures?

the girls are all beautiful...
absolutely beautiful.
sorry your 8 days of perfection are over.

can't wait to see more pics!

LouBoo said...

Hi Paige, I was wondering how you had got on. I have such a soft spot for Florida so after everything I was so pleased you got to go. It's amazing isn't it just how much we all having riding on annual holidays? Eight days is just not enough. And as for loosing it about lost photos - completely understand my sweet. You are SOOOO not alone with that!

I am starting to really love your blog...I find your pictures so calming. Honestly. Lovely. Lou x

LouBoo said...

Hi - me again! I wondered - where were you in Florida? Also - never feel bad about how many pictures you took - the fact that you capture your girls in these moments is priceless. I think of how many things I did growing up that weren't captured or even were but now are just old battered photos. The whole digital image thing is a gift - to be able to keep so much of a memory. OK I am done now :-) L x

Shelley in SC said...

Oh love that photo of the carwheel . . . and it goes so well with the message!! Beautiful writing and pics!

AshleyR said...

Gorgeous pictures paige!
Sure glad you had a good time.
I wouldn't Worry to much about being a WORRIER... It' just something that comes with being a woman. :)

Jessica said...

So glad you enjoyed those wonderful 8 days! I am also working on fitting in a few cartwheels into my worry filled life, you are certainly not alone there. It feels liberating when I do it "hand, hand, foot, foot."

The photos are beautiful!

Farmgirl Paints said...

So glad you had 8 wonderful days. I feel the exact same way on vacation. When we were in Hawaii I actually felt panicky worrying that something might happen to my camera, or that my memory card would get damaged etc... It became my most prized possession. Protection of those wonderful images was all important. I totally get you:) Loved that sunset pic of you and your girls! Just beautiful!!!

Urban Farmgirl said...

Oh Paige, beautiful photos! LOVE the cartwheel pic, it really shows the joy she feels on the inside. Such a beautiful family, looks like you had a wonderful vacation!

~mary~

Ellie said...

Wow, your girls have grown up so much!! You are all beautiful!

I'm so sorry about the photos lost, that stinks! I have to document every moment too - I can't remember anything otherwise, and that makes me sad!

Caroline's cartwheel is beautiful! What a blessing to have such a happy carefree child!

Martha said...

Oh my goodness Paige...that is such a gorgeous photo of all you girls...{by the way...my personality would have reacted the exact same way about losing the photos}...and all your expectations and desires...well completely understand...
so glad you had 8 great and wonderful days!!! You deserve it
xo

Alecia said...

Sooo fun...I'm glad you all had a great time. I'm als worry a bit about my pictures...I LOVE to have pictures from my adventures and I get soooo sad if I lose them, so I know how you feel...sorry you lost some pics :-( But thankful, you were still able to take some after it was all said and done.
The pic of you and the girls is PRECIOUS! Caroline's dress is adorable...you all look lovely!
Glad to have you back in blog land...you're definitely missed when you're gone. :-)
Blessings

Susan said...

Oh dagnabbit...look at those tan Knudsen girls, it isn't fair.
I'm so glad everything went well(except the collant light). Miss C didn't have any problems with the heat? It looked wonderful. Hey, I can't get my husband to wear pink, it was nice to see Dan wearing a pink tee shirt.

Debby said...

Beautiful HAPPY pictures.

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

Oh Paige. I'm right there with you. That dang Type A worrier personality rears its ugly head at the darndest times.

But your girls are so lovely...such a sweet, sweet family. I don't blame you for wanting to document each and every second.

Looks like a lovely time. (And the funniest thing...I was just wondering last week if I could still do a one-handed cartwheel...I'm afraid to find out. Don't need any extra medical bills right now. lol!)

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
patricia e said...

Paige, great shots of the family ~ you always seem to capture their spirits in these photos!! So glad you enjoyed your holiday!! Where is this place again? I just think the beach is simply beautiful and I take it you had great weather the entire week ~

Tracey said...

Oh I would've freaked out too if my camera weren't working! Yikes! Glad that was remedied! It wouldn't be a vacation without all of your gorgeous pictures that's for sure!!! So glad you had a good time :)

Your family is beautiful Paige!!!

Hugs ~

:) T

3 Peanuts said...

I have been thinking about y'all all week. SO SO SO SO THRILLED that it was a great vacation. Thank the Lord.

I get it about the photos. My kids wonder why i take so many. Truth is...I don't have many of my own childhood. I had an idyllic childhood up until the point my parents suddenly divorced (I was about 13). And I don't have many photos of it AT ALL! I think one of my sisters has them (all the albums) in CA.


I want my kids to have the memories frozen in time so they and we (me) can see how things were.

I am so glad that it was just photos from the first day though and not the whole week.

Cannot wait for more photos. Caroline looks just like you ...even your posture is the same:)

Kelli said...

Love, LOVE that you had a great time. Destin in like that for me and I do have expectations of it...and it doesn't fail. Um, the daughters that are closest to you in the one picture look JUST alike! Wow! I'm ready for more pictures now.

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

No, no, no...you are not alone!! I am the same way....and I know plenty of other Mom's cut from the same mold. I often ask myself why I let things that are out of my control stress me out like this...... beacuse I see things a certain way and when they don't unfold that way it is so disappointing. Unfortunately, we are always in persuit of perfection.....and life is just not perfect!! I am trying my best to roll with the punches, but it is not always easy.....

It looks like you had an amzing trip with your beautiful family. Like Kim said, luckily it was only one days worth of photos....and not your entire week!! You captured so many sweet memories and I am sure your girls will treasure them in the years to come!

Enjoy the rest of you summer~

Lisa

Kelly said...

Great pictures....Im kinda late with taking pictures..I have a sister thats always been the keeper of the family pictures...but my brother is selling me his old camera....and I hope I can some day take a great picture like yours....glad you have a wonderful time during your vacation....

Jerri said...

Yay! I have been waiting to see some pics and will wait patiently to see some more! Everyone is soo purty!! :) I too lost my first day of photos when we went South for the wedding but didn't let it bother so much like I usually do...must be getting old! :/ ~hugs~

Dawn said...

i'm so glad the beachy was beachy! and i think yes... we do expect vacation to be perfect. i don't know why, when there are no other perfect days! hoping to see your cartwheel next time!

Lissa said...

I'm sorry you lost the first day of your photos. that is a bummer. You're right, Caroline looks amazing in that dress! Love the new color scheme this year. I'm glad you were able to enjoy an oil free holiday. You should be paid as a spokesperson for Seaside! Seriously, they should use your family on a billboard or something.

ps it's the first time I've seen your tattoo. :)

debra said...

So glad you were able to go and had a fun time. Your pictures turned out great. :)

Jboo said...

Such beautiful photos -- can't wait to see the rest! Glad that the oil spill and all didn't get there AND that you were able to help out that hurting Florida economy! You have the sweetest family! I'm lucky to get 2 photos!

Janet

Jeanne Oliver said...

I completely understand about the photos. I am worried about going to France and something happening to my memory card. I am bringing two..just in case.

Christina said...

oh honey, you're not alone, trust me, never alone. : )
those tears are just necessary, for a good soul cleansing, every once in a while.

gorgeous, gorgeous photos, my friend. cherish those memories.

love to you!

Shaz said...

So glad you had a nice time and that the beach was so clean..

re: the memory making with camera - I do understand about the memories and the photos, that's why I do my memorabilia work. Most people cry when they pick up their shadow boxes that I have filled with their memories.It is such a profound thing to see your past right infron of you.

Nice post.

Jen Kershner said...

So glad you had a nearly perfect 8 days! I'm so relieved the sand and water were oil free. I look forward to many more pictures of your gorgeous family.

Heather said...

i am also a worrier ... kindred heart here.

so glad it was a great time.

xo
HH

Lemonade Makin' Mama said...

How wonderful. I thought of you guys a couple times and hoped you were having a ball!! Cute photos too.

Privet and Holly said...

Paige, I feel
your worry.
I'm just learning
in my 40's
to let go a
bit and fly.
Cartwheels don't
come naturally
to me, either....
Glorious photos!
xx Suzanne

waiting ... said...

waiting for more photos....

emily said...

oh my word, you are adorable and I LOVE this post :)

Kristin said...

I love my beautiful people and their Mamma's gentle heart. So glad it was perfect beyond all the cameras and cars and computer challenges. All those things start with a "c: I just noticed...hummmm...rrrrr to c things. But you are real and have emotions and just like the velveteen rabbit you are more loved because you are real and human and worry or not I would not take you any other way. Just beautiful and real you.

You are loved!

Kristin said...

...and I know you friend and you have cartwheel deep in ya! Many of them! You just do!!!!!! :)

Seizing My Day said...

Fabulous!! So glad you got to enjoy your blissful peaceful place before any possible oil hits it! I have read so many wonderful blog posts about that area... I want to go myself!! The beach is my perfect place too... =) I wish I was a cartwheel girl too... I have to REALLY work at it!!

stacey29lincoln said...

Oh my stars...your girls are beautiful!

I have 4 as well!

Thanks for sharing @chatting today.

I love the picture of HIm going before us. Love that verse. In fact, it is just what my mom needs today!

Suz said...

I think it is totally reasonable to sit in the bathroom floor and sob. I sit in my closet! Sometimes we just need to get it out!
You keep taking 1001 pics. You and your family will never regret it. I am known as the mommarazi in my family. I think I use to get on my in-laws nerves taking so many pictures and now they ask to see my slide show at the end of vacation. It is all worth it!
So next year do a cart wheel. I probably would pull some major muscles if I tried!

LuLu said...

I'm so happy you had your vacation... your favorite place for sand, sun and family wonderfulness!!!!
gorgeous pics!!!
xo,
LuLu

Andrea said...

Ok, just wondering if you could recommend a great place to go to on the gulf coast and which beaches you love the best....:)

traci said...

i am so glad that you had a wonderful vacation, despite the lost photos. that would make me cry too. i just got back from southern florida. nothing like sun, sea, sand and sunsets to make life beautiful. xo!

Leslie said...

Looks like you had wonderful time! I am so glad! What great photos of you and your family! So beautiful!!!!! Makes me really miss that area! No I did not go to the store in Rosemary, I didn't get to really visit that area much, i will definately make a mission out of it next time!!!Bummer about your pics but I totally understand, it is such a sentimental time and place.