simple thoughts

The doctors office called yesterday to tell me they need to see me again today for some further tests. I had an abnormal test result several weeks ago & now more tests and a biopsy needs to be run.
I wish I didn't , but i struggle with fear as it relates to health situations. Not just worry but flat out fear. Funny thing, being a nurse & all , you'd think i'd have gone into a different profession. Ignorance is bliss.....

I guess it must have started after Gregg died. It was just one of those things I didn't see coming but fear began to creep in my heart. Someone has a headache & I think brain tumor. Someone has an upset tummy and I go straight to a major g.i. issue. I have had "minor" issues in various different areas for the last several years.
Two years I asked my doctor for "something" to help me as I really felt like I was struggling with anxiety for the first time in my life.
He told me to take up ball room dancing.
Ball room dancing.
In that moment, I wished I could have given him a great jerry seinfeldesque response, but I think I just laughed and said "sure, i'll give that one a try"-- hrmph.
I wanted to rattle off all the times I had handled stresses in my life without needing medication. I wanted to tell him I had been a widow for crying out loud.
Ball room dancing.
Besides leaving that day without any new perscription , I vowed I would have new mercy for friends struggling with anxiety or depression issues.
I've been ok. Cutting out caffeine-cold turkey was about the only major element that changed....needless to say, so did my doctor. I no longer feel as anxious as I did two summers ago but I still battle my fears. I don't like who I am on those days. I much prefer to be my joyful self & when I'm an knotted up with fears it just dominates my every thought.

Its a busy day today. All my girls have their open house back to school events--at three different times & three different schools. My doctors exam is smack dab in the middle.
This morning my precious Caroline came in and woke me up. I'm usually up long before her, but not today. She sweetly came in & told me she had been reading "The Secret Garden" and that she was already on chapter 6.
" I found out what happened to Mr Craven's wife....she died in an accident....there is a wet spot on my book from my tears".
I could just squeeze that little girl....my little muse.

Pictures from last night and her new sassy hair cut. Came home with loads of ant bites but some great pics too.
Have a blessed day!

(ps- sweet kristin, thanks for the great edit at the top! you are the best--xo)