loving on him...

 

i was sitting under our navy blue umbrella

watching him out in the crystal clear water

playing with two of the girls.

i soaked up that moment & pondered it the rest of our vacation.

while i know in my heart of hearts i married way out of my league

i never cease to be amazed how well he loves each of us.

he has never raised his voice at me.

he comes in everyday & "leaves it all" behind him.

always giving who ever needs it the most, his undivided attention.

he tells me he loves me dozens of times a day.

he sends me love letters in the mail.

he spends his saturdays and sundays with us, not out on the golf course.

nothing wrong with the golf course, he just told me years ago

that while he loves golf, the time and money involved would pull

him away from us. 

{ just a personal conviction. not a slam if your hubby is a golfer ;) }

he literally lays down his life for us.

every day.

 

dan's an assistant principal at one of the largest, most diverse highschools

in the southeast.

with over 3,000 students

his day is consumed with many hours spent involved in discipline.

he is under enormous stress right now. 

he's swamped, working 12 hour days. last week he went in on saturday and sunday.

yet he still spent some time with each of us over the weekend.

always making each of us feel so loved. so cherished.

many of the kids he works with come from backgrounds

& a homelife i can barely imagine.

even though he's involved in the discipline aspect of their day

he always shows them respect and grace.

he may be the only face of Jesus some of them will see that day.

he told me last night one of the students

who he doesn't really even know by name,

came up to him yesterday & said, "mr. knudsen, you're the best principal.

everyone likes you. even when we're in trouble, you always treat everyone nicely".

sometimes i wonder if the girls really understand

if they really comprehend

what an amazing man they have the privilege of calling daddy.

i hope they know they are seeing the tangible love of Jesus

in dan. every single day.

i know i see it...

one of the ways i try to love on him

is each night i try to be done with all my chores, phone calls, etc

& at least an hour before we turn out the lights,

we just hang out in the same room.

he may be watching the news or sports, or maybe even working

but i try to just "be" with him, maybe reading, maybe playing on instagram

but not all flustered & busy.

we just sorta wind down together.

i try to have our home tidy when he walks through the door

& even if i'm wearing a ballcap, i make sure i've freshened up.

i try not to bombard him with any and all issues right when he comes through the door.

we've tried, since we were first married, to each week have some time to ourselves.

while the girls were younger, that might have meant ordering take out

& spending time on the sofa watching tv after we tucked them in.

now a days we can head out to dinner on sunday evenings and just catch up.

i want to encourage you, no matter what stage of parenting you're in

if you're married,

to make time for him.

to make him the top commitment in your marriage...

not your kiddos.

while i totally understand after picking up babies, and holding little ones on your hip all day

while being emotionally drained from communicating with teens all afternoon

can leave you

over touched and emotionally spent

remember

to make the decision to make him the priority.

that will provide your babies, no matter their age,

the stability of knowing momma & daddy love each other.

they will lay their heads down each night with the security 

of their parents love.

~~~

& dan

i love you more today than yesterday
thank you for loving us unconditionally

all of me. always...

the greatest of these is love

it was two years after gregg had passed away.

i was getting ready that afternoon to attend the funeral of an amazing woman.

carol st. clair was the type mother that i dreamed of becoming.

she was an encouraging wife, godly mentor,

& best friend to many.

she was a pastor's wife who along with another amazing mentor in my life 

had blessed me with my bridesmaids luncheon a few years earlier.

she was truly wonderful.

her husband pastored the church where i met both gregg and dan.

she had courageously fought her battle with cancer.

she was leaving behind four great kids,

the youngest was ginny.

ginny was only eleven.

it broke my heart that she had passed away.

it broke my heart for her family.

another person who i thought hung the moon. gone.

i had not attended another funeral service since i had buried gregg.

i knew i'd see many friends there, most of whom i hadn't seen since his passing.

& to be honest, i was nervous.

i was sad and nervous and tenderhearted and well, just all around sad.

dan & i weren't married. we weren't even technically dating.

we had just begun to spend time together.

he offered to go with me.

he had coached their oldest son in basketball

& taught their oldest daughter in school.

he was close to them too.

i saw a side of dan that day that i had never personally witnessed before.

he was so tender with me.

he knew i was sad & tender about losing my friend.

& he knew i was sad and worried about being "seen" myself out in public as a young widow.

he was so sensitive towards me that day.

i'll never forget standing and talking to a friend at the service. i glanced over to him

& the look in his eyes towards me....well, i knew he loved me.

i fell hopelessly in love with him on that day.

how could i not?

that feeling of being protected

of being "known"

that feeling of loyalty.

it was a feeling of love that enveloped me that day

& has kept me safe and secure every day since.
it's the same feeling of love and security that i pray
each of my own daughters will come to know one day
through their own hearts and the man the Lord is preparing for each of them.

the last several weeks have been scary for me.

i've seen a couple different doctors and i've had some tests run.

while i was encouraged at my last appointment,

i still have a biopsy ahead before i can have some closure on this current trial.

dan has been that same loyal, protective, tender man to me.

friday he went with me to the hospital.

he sat in the waiting area while i had my tests run 

& while i spoke with doctor.

we texted back & forth for the 6 hours the appointment took.

i had such peace knowing he was there.

knowing he would never leave me.

when it was time for me to check out, the discharge area was enclosed with a glass door

across the hall was the waiting area , also enclosed with a glass door.

i texted him & told him i was done.

we peeked at each other through the windows across the hall.

at that moment i recalled the story i told you above.

about how he looked at me that day so many years ago

when i was in another, albeit different, vulnerable tender place.

how i knew he loved me that day

& loves me still.

i knew.

this week in advent we ponder on how much jesus loves us.

while i am blessed to have a man in my life who loves me with a tender selfless heart,

we all have a heavenly father who loves us with a constant loyalty

drawing us to him tenderly.

to experience and be covered with his protective hand.

maybe you are in a place where you are single , still waiting on "him"

or maybe you're in a relationship where you don't feel loved and cherished,

my prayer for you this advent season

is that you know the love of Jesus.

while the tangible love of a man is often times "easier to feel"

i promise you , you will feel His love for you too.

he will never leave you. never.

& to my dan,

your heart of love inspires me daily to love others.

you are not a clanging cymbal

for you love me well.

you show our girls and others around you

what the love of jesus looks like.

merry christmas sweet man
i love you more today than yesterday
but not as much as tomorrow.

~~~

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain nothing.

  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part,  but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.  When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

ps.
ginny is grown & married now.
she & her siblings each living lives i can only imagine
carol rejoicing over. i know she's proud of her children...
and grandchildren.
she loved well
& her legacy is one of love and loyalty too
xo

my favorite place to be

 

 caroline presented dan & i with a very special letter on thanksgiving day.

she read it out loud to us with a tender heart as dan and i smiled back and forth to each other over & over.

her letter listed several reasons why she was thankful we were her parents,

yet i think she was maybe unaware of the power behind one of the passages.

she wrote how thankful she was that she knew we'd never leave each other or divorce.

how loved that made her feel & the safety that gave her.

today is dan's birthday.

& caroline nailed it.

she nailed the two strongest character traits of her daddy.

his selfless love for us and his loyalty.

i have never known a more selfless person.

dan lays down his life for our family every day.

he lays down his desires, choices or preferences

and continually, joyfully, allows the other person,

who ever it may be,

to figuratively have the right of way.

whether it's his daughters

someone in traffic

people that i don't even like

anyone.

constantly giving to the other person.

 

his loyalty to me

& to our children

has created a safe haven

whether it's within his strong yet gentle hugs

or within the structure of our home.

a loyalty that fills my heart

& i know he'll never leave or long to be elsewhere.

the last couple of months we have been a continual financial issues.

we needed to do some major landscaping after the power company cut down all our trees.

very expensive.

all four cars have needed work & yesterday he paid all the emissions on each of them.

we've had extra medical bills & vet bills

the water heater was replaced yesterday

and the heater and garage door went out on the same day.

the window in my car is stuck

sorority dues, dance recital fees and cheerleading payments.

& i resigned from my "real job"

& just life.

it's been a tight month.

yet he never complains or lashes out on us.

he is my constant encourager

he makes me feel like i'm miss america whether i'm in what i affectionately refer to as
my fatty stage or i'm training for a half marathon.

he calls me "beautiful"

and never makes fun of my cooking.

he acts like he truly enjoys living in a house full of white

 never leaves dirty clothes on the floor.

& the toilet seat has only been left up a handful of times in our marriage.

he knows eating out is my love language

& gives nightly back rubs.

he is perpetually kind.

to give you an example,

i had ran by the home of owner of the dog that attacked brinkley the other day.

she had agreed to pay the vet bill.

dan had to make a few visits there before they ever connected.

one time i asked him to swing by there but he didn't want to interupt their thanksgiving weekend.

last night he wanted to wait until "after dinner hours" to 'bother' them.

always thinking of the other person.

that same gentle kind spirit is how he always answers me and the girls 

anytime we "ask" him for money or tell him about a need.

always a kind response.

after we were married he adopted savannah, madison & emily.

he treats them & caroline equally

& loves on them like Jesus.

he truly shows them what the love of our Heavenly Father

is like.

happy birthday sweet man

right beside you is my favorite place to be.

allofmylove2you

forever

the evolution of a daddy

20 years ago
on june 22

i married gregg.
he had swept me off my feet.

i was young & thin

still in nursing school

&

naively dreamed that we'd have forever.

we had 5 years.

in that time

we bought a home

and a small business

i graduated from nursing school

had three baby girls

and he was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

when savannah was born

he was crazy proud of that little girl.

calling her savy, which drove me nuts

driving her around in his convertible, which drove her nuts

& toted her to many coaching events.

proudly.

then we had little birdie

our tiny blue eyed baby girl.

he fainted when i got my epidural

& after a trip down to the E.R.

ended up with a dozen stitches

and his own labor & delivery story.

he carried that tiny 6 pound baby girl like a football.

she never cried.

by the time sweet emi was born

he was very very sick

and only held her a few times.

 my sweet em is the spitting image of him.

fast forward a few years.

dan had been a groomsman in our wedding

he was tall and strong

& quiet

he was tender and protective of me.

he played barbies with savannah

& colored with madison.

i was smitten.

i'm sure many were skeptical of our relationship

as many are anytime a widow or widower remarries.

but i'd be lying 

if i told you our relationship

has been anything other than a seamless transition.

dan loves my three girls as if they were biologically his.

i bet most folks assume they are.

and makes me feel like i'm the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth.

actually, he makes me feel like i'm the only beautiful woman on the face of the earth.

after miscarrying our first two babies

caroline was born.

the man who many had wondered if he'd ever marry

now had a houseful of girls.

one of the sweetest components of our marriage

has been watching the girls grow up & mature

and really appreciate and respect dan.

before savannah left for the weekend

she asked him if they could go out to breakfast together.

let me tell you, he was so honored when he told me of their plan,

her idea.

the words she wrote in his father day card

were the strongest affirmation

that i married a winner

and that God had blessed our relationship.

i often tell him

that he loves the girls and me

just like Jesus.

he is strong and loyal

and gentle and forgiving

kind and selfless.

he has evolved into a daddy

that all four of my girls 

will see as Jesus in their life.

&

i knew he'd be just that.

all along....

heading out on their breakfast date....

thank you for laying down your life for us

sweet man.

i will love you

 forever....

(ps. i'll share the sweet way the other girls

honored dan for father's day

in my next post)