spring's first day

13 years ago today , on the first day of spring

i sat in a hospital--

the doctor told us gregg "might" have 3-5 years

(he ended up with 8 months)

the results were positive for melanoma.

his story is here.

a season change indeed

i was more amazed that life kept going for the 'everyone else' out there

i needed time to catch my breath

i needed time to make sense of the senseless

five years later

i was at a different hospital

on the first day of spring

sweet caroline elizabeth came into my world

a sign of new life & new beginnings

another change of season

all wrapped up in blond hair & blue eyes

I don't want to spiritualize what is not

but the truth is she could have been born any one of the other 364 days that year

but God allowed her to come that very day

I choose to see that precious detail as a tender gift from Him

The One that knows I'm all about the details

The One who saw every tear

& heard every prayer

The One who knows I need order in the midst of uncertainty

The One who knows how i struggle with fear

The scripture says His mercies are new every morning

& that there is a time for everything

for every season

I still struggle with fears, especially health related

but having another baby girl who's daddy is my soul mate

was a gift i never could imagine possible

a reminder that even in the midst of a storm

He is there

He loves me

& He is the giver of all good gifts

Each year on her birthday I love to tell her ,

"Listen Caroline, the birdies are singing Happy Birthday to you"

Sweet girl wears her "my birthday is on the first day of spring" as if it were a national holiday.

Happy Birthday sweet child of mine

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

psalm 139. 17~18